sholio | Rarrr. And also, *whine*.

Rarrr. And also, whine.

I'm tired of my fannish experiences putting me in a bad headspace. I know that it's my own fault for continuing to engage when I know it does bad things to me, but it still makes me tired and cranky.

And I'm not really sure what to do about it, because I want to be in fandom, but right now it doesn't seem like I can deal with it emotionally, and I don't know why. All I know is that one of my happiest things used to be fanning: ficcing and vidding and meta-ing and cheerfully picking apart the flaws in imperfect shows while still loving them for all the ways they didn't suck. But right now, trying to do any of that seems to end in me sulking around the house, yelling at the dogs for no reason. (They've started avoiding me.)

I don't know if it's the shows or the fandom or me, or all of the above. Maybe I'm just a bad fit for the fandom I'm trying to be a part of. Maybe it's all me and I'm going into another depressive period, but I really don't think so because my other happy things in life still make me cheerful -- I just have more trouble focusing on them when fandom is making me unhappy.

I still love fandom, but every time I dip my toe, it feels like I get sucked into a quicksand pool of despair and gloom. (My own, not other people's, necessarily.) I haven't written anything in days, except bitchy comments in other people's posts. All I have to show for my week so far, creatively at least, is a world-class case of gloom.

And, yeah, I know there are people in the world who have real problems and this is a stupid thing to obsess over, but at least ranting about it in my journal gets it out of my head so I can focus on more useful things, eh?

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Would you believe I know exactly what you're going through? My little problem is something I like to call withdrawal. I cannot believe I let a little show like SGA put me in such a funk that I couldn't even read fic. It's taking me forever to write the simplest things!

So I took a break from SGA, and caught up on my other fandoms. Psych, Without a Trace, NCIS, Scrubs... Then I revisited my most favorite SGA fics, you know, the ones that made you want to start writing fan fiction.

Rekindled the fire a bit, but I'm still lagging. Not ready to watch my favorite SGA episodes yet. I may cry. It's so stupid! Television shows should not affect a person like that right? I want my boys back, and I need closure, dammit!

Okay, and maybe I should cut down on my McShep, too. ;)

Good luck! I'm looking forward to your next drabble/tag/ficlet/chapter fic.

Rant away. Ranting is good :D I'm not even that into fandom as some are, and it's still puts me in bad places - mostly the fanfic portion of fandom. It's kind of like a tic - as much as you try not to let this stuff get to you, it gets to you anyway, latches on tight and you're still dwelling on it days later. And it's tough to know what to do, because you don't want to give this stuff up, but neither do you want it to keep bringing you down every time you set foot into fandom.

It's why I'm adhering to the "less is more" rule. I come, I search for stories, I read only metas saying positive things about the show I like, then I wander off while my mood is still mellow. It's not one-hundred percent effective - there are still issues and I still give in to curiosity - but fandom doesn't bring me down as bad as it used to.

I hope you're able to find your happy in fandom again. It can be done, I think, but it's going to take time.

I've been in one kind of genre fandom or another for 29 years and there are times when I feel like you describe. My feeling about fandom is, since it's not my family or my job, if it's not fun, I don't have to do it. That has made a lot of difference to me, altho it has probably made me less popular than I could be. I don't know if that's helpful but that is my 2c on the subject.

*hugs you* I can't figure out what I'm going through; I think it's a weird blend of withdrawal, and starting to dislike the show while desperately wanting to still like it. And I don't know where I'm going, really. I don't want to lose either the show or the fandom; it seems to me like most of the fandom is still here, but in a holding pattern, waiting to see what happens next. I don't want to see everyone desert for a new shiny thing, especially if I rediscover my love for the show only after everyone is gone. *sadface*

Scrubs! I just discovered it in the last few weeks -- well, I'd been aware of it for a while (my mother really likes it), but OMG SO CUTE! They are all adorable, and I love them all. :D

It frustrates me that I don't seem to be able to handle the negative stuff or the thinky stuff right now; I always liked analyzing a show. But right now, my fannishness is like a slick wet balloon -- I keep trying to grab hold of it, and it slithers away. *g* My fannish vacation in December and January really did help; maybe I just need to start being more careful of what I read, meta-wise.

No, I think you're absolutely right! Fandom is something that we do for fun; it's play, not work. And it makes no sense whatsoever to do something for fun that isn't fun.

*joins the fannish meh group*

Like the others around here, I've been watching shows that give me the happy (Criminal Minds, Numb3rs) but where the fandom is either low-key or I don't feel the need to participate. I decided a while back to make my flist my fandom, and that's made a big difference to me. There are still dramas and problems, but at least with people I know I feel I can *do* something.

It's hard to fan on a show when you're not getting the buzz - I have 2 stories to write, then I think I'm actually done with SGA, which is something I've known really since

sga_santa. I won't lose friends over it (I hope) since fannish drift hasn't done that to me before, and maybe I'll be in a better state of mind for my RL and the shows that make me happy.

I really hope you find your happy again soon!

Sorry fandom's getting you down right now. I know sometimes I have to step back from it all, esp. if being too involved is just going to upset me. Fandom should be fun or at least I should be getting something out of it besides a head or heartache.

I haven't been thinking about it much but I'm reading the meta that interests me and mostly avoiding things that will make my head explode. I've also been a ton less involved in SGA as well because of that holding pattern thing; I've been bookmarking like crazy and only reading and commenting sporadically. I've never definitively gone away from fandoms and I'm still keeping tabs on this one and think it will continue. I just think we all need to take a collective breath and process before we come back.

In the meantime, I have started watching the three shiniest, happiest, most stress-free shows I've ever seen-Chuck, Leverage and Psych. Scrubs also sounds like a good happy place.

I can empathise; I've gone through periods like that, and will do again, I'm sure. My break up with Angel fandom was similar; I had been very fannish about the show right up to the end of its fourth season, and then the fifth season involved a major retooling of the whole set-up as well as the departure of one of my favourite characters. I hung around for a while trying to recapture the joy, but it felt like I was forcing it and I drifted away because I couldn't sustain that level of involvement for something I didn't love anymore. It's very hard to break up with a fandom when you've been in it for a long time - it leaves a big hole that can't be immediately filled.

The best advice I can give is, if you're not feeling it, don't try to force yourself, as you'll only end up feeling more frustrated. Go off and do other stuff for a while, and sooner or later something will come along that engages you again; it always does.

Awww, I'm sorry to hear you're drifting out, though I hope you find happier, better fannish pastures on which to browse. ^_^

I think one of the reasons why I keep getting drawn back into fandom is because my whole f'list is (obviously) fannish, and I have trouble avoiding the fic and the meta that's everywhere ... and then I'm back in the land of the dramallama again. *sighs* It's definitely more comfortable skirting along the edges, but I can't seem to stay there.

I'm ... actually downloading Leverage right now, because my f'list won't shut up about it. *g* I was trying to resist because the last thing I want right now is what looks like yet another mediocre show whose main selling point is the adorableness of its cast. But once my sister got into it, I really had no hope of avoiding it ...

Scrubs is a total happy place. *uses Scrubs icon* I don't tend to watch shows very fast, so I've probably got enough of it to last me for months -- which is nice, because it's as cute as a barrel of puppies.

I do get the impression that people aren't leaving SGA so much as withdrawing to lick their wounds and process things. I've gone through a number of fandoms, but I rarely leave anything without occasionally drifting back; I'm just not sure if SGA is going to be one that I occasionally drift back to, or if I'm going to eventually come to lodge comfortably here. I've always been sort of a fannish butterfly, but for a while this really felt like the fandom for me -- I'm not so sure anymore, but considering that I'm still reading and writing fic despite being ostensibly uninterested in the show ... I think it does still exert a considerable pull on me. We'll see. I'm feeling a lot more cheerful than I was earlier, and even poking halfheartedly at a couple of fic ideas.

Yeah; I've left fandoms before, but never when I was this involved with the social side of the fandom. I'm kind of in "wait and see" mode right now; I don't want to lose the fandom, and I really don't think my love for the show is irretrievable. I just keep tripping over the things that pushed me away in the first place whenever I try to come back. Maybe I need to extend my fannish vacation a bit.

I think I'm pretty mono-fannish anyway - I moved from House to Torchwood/Doctor Who to SGA and am now shifting to Criminal Minds - and I had trouble coming up with something for my

sga_santa mostly because I felt I'd said all I wanted to say about these characters. I pushed them pretty hard over the course of my stories, and I really don't feel I have many loose ends to tie up. *shrugs* I'll keep reading, probably, but the writing's just dried up, and I'm okay with that.

The make-up of my flist is probably the difference for me, though - only about 2/3 of it is fannish at all, and 2/3 of them are into different fandoms to me. But we all seem to muddle along, and that keeps me muddling along as well :) I think it's also a consequence of Torchwood fandom, which got *scary* for a while there and sent a lot of us running back to our flists, reluctant to prod the dramallama ever again...

Muahahaha. . .our eeevil plan is working:) And it's not Brilliant Television but it won't make your eyeballs bleed and it is fun. I need to get Scrubs but I'm just Netflixing Psych (which is like the same show but with fake detectives instead of doctors).

And yeah, this is the rocky post-closed canon period. It's like a breakup I wasn't quite ready for. Show annoyed me but it had its charms and now that it's over I'm not ready to let it go but it'll be awhile if ever before we're BFFs again.

Heh. Torchwood. I think it's probably a good thing that I didn't really have a chance to be fannish about it for very long -- there was a period of about two weeks from the time I mainlined season 2 (and the Owen arc, which is what really sold me on the show) and the finale, which killed my love for the show deader than, well, half the cast! I had just enough time to start poking around and reading a bit of fic, but not enough to be drawn into the drama, which I heard just enough about to scare me. ^^;;

(which is like the same show but with fake detectives instead of doctors)

Hee! You know, I kinda thought so at first, but Scrubs actually goes for the gut in a way that Psych doesn't (and I always wished it would). Scrubs is about 90% fluffy and funny, and then it really hits you with something serious or insightful or painful -- there's an undercurrent of reality to it that I totally didn't expect from something so cheerful and goofy on the surface.

Show annoyed me but it had its charms and now that it's over I'm not ready to let it go but it'll be awhile if ever before we're BFFs again.

*nods* That's pretty much how I feel. I wish I could just forget about it, but we still have so many friends in common that it's impossible to avoid. And every time we run into each other, I keep being reminded how cute its dimples are, and wondering if the bad times were really all that bad after all (and, okay, this metaphor is getting stretched to the breaking point, and I'm very sleepy and need to go to bed *g*).

*hugs*. Would trimming your friendslist help?

*hugs back* I don't want to, not because of this. At most I might shuffle my filters a bit. I did that in December so I didn't have quite so much SGA stuff on my default filter; maybe it's time to shuffle again!

Fandom is like real life. I must admit when I see one or two fans go ballistic over something fannish, I go, geez, try REAL LIFE. I think some of it is an age factor. Younger fans, I think, tend to whine more (no offense meant!) while older fans, who have been through the wringer a few times, can realize when to just let things go (or send off an email and go "you are an idiot. get a ilfe.") :)

But one thing... blogs and LJs are for venting and ranting. I don't mind if I post a news article on something and people come by an dleave comments (as long as they leave out the profanity or threats) cuz sometimes, LJ IS the only place you can rant about your fandoms.

I mean, can any of us truly visualize being at work, getting coffee and turning to a co-worker and saying "Damn, they really cheated us on SGA last night when they didn't show all the blood when they hacked off Sheppard's hand." ;) (But if you talk Desperate Housewives or sports or American Idol, THAT they watch...) ;)

Well, you know that I'm having the exact same problem, to the point where I can't even check my LJ more than once a week. It's a personality trait--when things get so bad there's no point in arguing anymore, I just walk away. I got sick of canon bashing, so I left. I'm a wuss. I actually admire you for still getting involved--it's what makes you such an awesome and loyal person, I think.

Ironically, walking away from the fandom doesn't mean that I stopped writing for the show. I had to write a story for a present, so, apparently, I'm not completely dead. Maybe just moribund...LOL! But, honestly, now that time has passed and I no longer see the constant bashing, I can watch the show and just enjoy them, without fearing responses, and I was able to write (whereas, two months ago, there wasn't a chance I could write anything). I like reading old fic, and watching the eps on hulu, just 'cause I can, has been a lot of fun. I think someone else suggested reading old fic, and I really think that helps alot....

I really do hope you come back from the funk, because you're one of the best in the fandom and losing you would be a very big shame.

"which killed my love for the show deader than, well, half the cast!"

rofl...your phrasing made me laugh so hard. :)

You've lived in Alaska longer than I, but could it just be winter??? I know I've been more down in the dumps than happy lately. And even with fandoms I love I'm having such a hard time engaging and I can't figure it out.

I've also gone through phases where I did stuff not remotely fandom related and I think the breaks kind of helped...maybe everyone hits a burn out point?

... huh. You know, it might be interesting to look over the last few years and see if these fannish slumps seem to regularly correspond to wintertime. I never thought that I had a problem with it, but I know quite a few people who do.

I think there is also definitely something to be said for taking a break from fandom every once in a while, especially when the fandom is as contentious as it is right now.

And I really couldn't have asked for anything nicer, given where I'm currently sitting on the fulcrum between fannish and non-fannish, to have found a notification for your fic in my inbox when I got home this evening! (And one reason why it was nice to see that was because you'd been so low-key lately that I was a little bit worried you were in the process of leaving the fandom yourself; it was delightful to see that, no, you've just been writing a long story! :D)

As you've seen from my other posts, I guess, I'm feeling more chipper ... I guess I just got to the point where I realized that I didn't want to dislike the show, and I didn't want to feel as if I had to, and if that meant I had to avoid certain segments of the fandom for awhile, then I would just do that.

The crux of the problem, I guess, is that some of the people I really like in the fandom, who I really enjoy interacting with, are on the "making me feel less fannish" end of the emotional continuum right now. And I'm not just going to cut off my contact with them ... but I also think I can still get the social interaction that I want while steadfastly not clicking on links and cuts that I know will take me to discussions I don't want to read.

Younger/newer fans do tend to be a bit more volatile, though in the current situation in SGA fandom, I actually haven't noticed it making much difference; I've been through over a dozen fandoms and have had favorite characters on all points along the popularity continuum, but it hasn't stopped me from being extremely touchy about the current state of the fandom. *g*

But it's quite true that everyone has the right to vent on their own blog (and I'm totally cool with that), and we've all got to roll with it a little bit.

*grins*

And Jack can be counted on both sides, really ...

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Rarrr. And also, whine.

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