Rarrr. And also, *whine*.

[sholio]

I'm tired of my fannish experiences putting me in a bad headspace. I know that it's my own fault for continuing to engage when I know it does bad things to me, but it still makes me tired and cranky.

And I'm not really sure what to do about it, because I want to be in fandom, but right now it doesn't seem like I can deal with it emotionally, and I don't know why. All I know is that one of my happiest things used to be fanning: ficcing and vidding and meta-ing and cheerfully picking apart the flaws in imperfect shows while still loving them for all the ways they didn't suck. But right now, trying to do any of that seems to end in me sulking around the house, yelling at the dogs for no reason. (They've started avoiding me.)

I don't know if it's the shows or the fandom or me, or all of the above. Maybe I'm just a bad fit for the fandom I'm trying to be a part of. Maybe it's all me and I'm going into another depressive period, but I really don't think so because my other happy things in life still make me cheerful -- I just have more trouble focusing on them when fandom is making me unhappy.

I still love fandom, but every time I dip my toe, it feels like I get sucked into a quicksand pool of despair and gloom. (My own, not other people's, necessarily.) I haven't written anything in days, except bitchy comments in other people's posts. All I have to show for my week so far, creatively at least, is a world-class case of gloom.

And, yeah, I know there are people in the world who have real problems and this is a stupid thing to obsess over, but at least ranting about it in my journal gets it out of my head so I can focus on more useful things, eh?

Comments

[livrelibre.livejournal.com]

Sorry fandom's getting you down right now. I know sometimes I have to step back from it all, esp. if being too involved is just going to upset me. Fandom should be fun or at least I should be getting something out of it besides a head or heartache.

I haven't been thinking about it much but I'm reading the meta that interests me and mostly avoiding things that will make my head explode. I've also been a ton less involved in SGA as well because of that holding pattern thing; I've been bookmarking like crazy and only reading and commenting sporadically. I've never definitively gone away from fandoms and I'm still keeping tabs on this one and think it will continue. I just think we all need to take a collective breath and process before we come back.

In the meantime, I have started watching the three shiniest, happiest, most stress-free shows I've ever seen-Chuck, Leverage and Psych. Scrubs also sounds like a good happy place.

[friendshipper.livejournal.com]

I'm ... actually downloading Leverage right now, because my f'list won't shut up about it. *g* I was trying to resist because the last thing I want right now is what looks like yet another mediocre show whose main selling point is the adorableness of its cast. But once my sister got into it, I really had no hope of avoiding it ...

Scrubs is a total happy place. *uses Scrubs icon* I don't tend to watch shows very fast, so I've probably got enough of it to last me for months -- which is nice, because it's as cute as a barrel of puppies.

I do get the impression that people aren't leaving SGA so much as withdrawing to lick their wounds and process things. I've gone through a number of fandoms, but I rarely leave anything without occasionally drifting back; I'm just not sure if SGA is going to be one that I occasionally drift back to, or if I'm going to eventually come to lodge comfortably here. I've always been sort of a fannish butterfly, but for a while this really felt like the fandom for me -- I'm not so sure anymore, but considering that I'm still reading and writing fic despite being ostensibly uninterested in the show ... I think it does still exert a considerable pull on me. We'll see. I'm feeling a lot more cheerful than I was earlier, and even poking halfheartedly at a couple of fic ideas.

[livrelibre.livejournal.com]

Muahahaha. . .our eeevil plan is working:) And it's not Brilliant Television but it won't make your eyeballs bleed and it is fun. I need to get Scrubs but I'm just Netflixing Psych (which is like the same show but with fake detectives instead of doctors).

And yeah, this is the rocky post-closed canon period. It's like a breakup I wasn't quite ready for. Show annoyed me but it had its charms and now that it's over I'm not ready to let it go but it'll be awhile if ever before we're BFFs again.

[friendshipper.livejournal.com]

(which is like the same show but with fake detectives instead of doctors)

Hee! You know, I kinda thought so at first, but Scrubs actually goes for the gut in a way that Psych doesn't (and I always wished it would). Scrubs is about 90% fluffy and funny, and then it really hits you with something serious or insightful or painful -- there's an undercurrent of reality to it that I totally didn't expect from something so cheerful and goofy on the surface.

Show annoyed me but it had its charms and now that it's over I'm not ready to let it go but it'll be awhile if ever before we're BFFs again.

*nods* That's pretty much how I feel. I wish I could just forget about it, but we still have so many friends in common that it's impossible to avoid. And every time we run into each other, I keep being reminded how cute its dimples are, and wondering if the bad times were really all that bad after all (and, okay, this metaphor is getting stretched to the breaking point, and I'm very sleepy and need to go to bed *g*).