Rarrr. And also, *whine*.

[sholio]

I'm tired of my fannish experiences putting me in a bad headspace. I know that it's my own fault for continuing to engage when I know it does bad things to me, but it still makes me tired and cranky.

And I'm not really sure what to do about it, because I want to be in fandom, but right now it doesn't seem like I can deal with it emotionally, and I don't know why. All I know is that one of my happiest things used to be fanning: ficcing and vidding and meta-ing and cheerfully picking apart the flaws in imperfect shows while still loving them for all the ways they didn't suck. But right now, trying to do any of that seems to end in me sulking around the house, yelling at the dogs for no reason. (They've started avoiding me.)

I don't know if it's the shows or the fandom or me, or all of the above. Maybe I'm just a bad fit for the fandom I'm trying to be a part of. Maybe it's all me and I'm going into another depressive period, but I really don't think so because my other happy things in life still make me cheerful -- I just have more trouble focusing on them when fandom is making me unhappy.

I still love fandom, but every time I dip my toe, it feels like I get sucked into a quicksand pool of despair and gloom. (My own, not other people's, necessarily.) I haven't written anything in days, except bitchy comments in other people's posts. All I have to show for my week so far, creatively at least, is a world-class case of gloom.

And, yeah, I know there are people in the world who have real problems and this is a stupid thing to obsess over, but at least ranting about it in my journal gets it out of my head so I can focus on more useful things, eh?

Comments

[wraithfodder.livejournal.com]

Fandom is like real life. I must admit when I see one or two fans go ballistic over something fannish, I go, geez, try REAL LIFE. I think some of it is an age factor. Younger fans, I think, tend to whine more (no offense meant!) while older fans, who have been through the wringer a few times, can realize when to just let things go (or send off an email and go "you are an idiot. get a ilfe.") :)

But one thing... blogs and LJs are for venting and ranting. I don't mind if I post a news article on something and people come by an dleave comments (as long as they leave out the profanity or threats) cuz sometimes, LJ IS the only place you can rant about your fandoms.

I mean, can any of us truly visualize being at work, getting coffee and turning to a co-worker and saying "Damn, they really cheated us on SGA last night when they didn't show all the blood when they hacked off Sheppard's hand." ;) (But if you talk Desperate Housewives or sports or American Idol, THAT they watch...) ;)

[friendshipper.livejournal.com]

Younger/newer fans do tend to be a bit more volatile, though in the current situation in SGA fandom, I actually haven't noticed it making much difference; I've been through over a dozen fandoms and have had favorite characters on all points along the popularity continuum, but it hasn't stopped me from being extremely touchy about the current state of the fandom. *g*

But it's quite true that everyone has the right to vent on their own blog (and I'm totally cool with that), and we've all got to roll with it a little bit.