Supernatural fic: Sam's Journal

[sholio]

This is for derry667 -- your ficathon story, at long last! I hope it was worth the wait (ha.) and bears at least some resemblance to what you asked for...

Title: Sam's Journal
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: PG-13 for language, because Sammy's been hanging around Dean too much. Gen.
Spoilers: General spoilers up to the end of the second season, and big ones for "All Hell Breaks Loose 2".
Summary: The journal was Ellen's idea.

Notes: Mostly images, with plain-text version included for most pages.

Click here to begin reading Sam's journal.

If you find any broken links or missing images, please comment or email and let me know -- I've tried to check it all as thoroughly as possible, but I might have missed something.

Comments

[naye]

Awwwww~! I really adore your picture-fic, they're so lovely and creative, and this way it feels even more like taking a peek at Sam's soul... Poor, poor Sammy. With the angst and the worry and the most frustrating big brother in the history of big brothers. All of the crossed-out alternatives to "STUPID" sum it up so well. Not that "stupid" doesn't work pretty well...

But, aww! Letters from Ellen and Sam having his little private break-downs in his notebook, and - the little sleeping Dean! With the gun! Aww~! ♥

By the way, there was so much funny in this that I laughed so much had to show several pages to my fiancé, who laughed too. ♥ The ranting in the library and the first page were both among my favourites, with the advise on demon hunting, and the comments on the choice of fonts used by the internet crazies. Plus, there were some really interesting speculations in the margins here and there...! (Though those made me go "hmm", not laugh.)

Now you've made me want more Supernatural! I haven't wanted more Supernatural for months...!

Great read, thank you~!

[sholio]

Thank you so much! The most frustrating big brother ever ... indeed. *g* And I made MYSELF want more SPN; I was going along just fine, but writing this, and rewatching parts of ALBL2 and "Born Under a Bad Sign" as, ahem, "research", made me all warm and fuzzy with the Winchester-love!

The ranting in the library and the first page were both among my favourites, with the advise on demon hunting, and the comments on the choice of fonts used by the internet crazies. Plus, there were some really interesting speculations in the margins here and there...! (Though those made me go "hmm", not laugh.)

*grin* I love how crackpot websites on the Internet always have the same sort of general look to them ... reverse type in DiFfeRent cRaZy FoNTs and COloRs, weird graphics that look like they were done on a Xerox copier, etc. It would make ME go crazy trying to wade through a bunch of those, I think ...

The hardest part of the whole story were actually the margin notes! Writing Sam's voice was relatively easy compared to trying to come up with various Sammish theories on how to break Dean's demonic contract...

[bratfarrar]

Lovely! Especially the way Sam's handwriting reflects his emotions (the doodle of hanged!Dean was perfect). And Dean's bookending of the journal diary journal was so very him - even his decision to not read through it.

I love it when you do this sort of thing. ^_^

"Sammy is a pretty princess" - hee!

[sholio]

Thank you! ^_^

It's harder to come up with ideas for the picture-fics than for regular fanfics, and of course they take a lot longer, but I do really enjoy doing them. And I'm always happy when people notice details ... like the thing with Sam's handwriting!

[cindyls.livejournal.com]

Wow, that was the most creative story I've ever seen! Great use of the journal and Sam's voice was right on the money ;-)
Loved the end too - Sammy is a pretty princess indeed!
cindy

[sholio]

Thank you! *hee* Sam is a pretty princess, yep! ^_^

Sam's journal

[(Anonymous)]

Good story. I really liked the way you made it look like an actual journal with notebook pages and everthing. That was very creative and the story was touching. keep up the good work

Re: Sam's journal

[sholio]

Thank you very much!

[lark_ascends]

This was totally and utterly awesome. I am so glad that Derry enabled it ;-)

[sholio]

Thanks! Derry is an incorrigible enabler. *g*

[iamstealthyone.livejournal.com]

I enjoyed this a lot, from Sam alternately praising Dean to wanting to smack Dean upside the head, from Dean doodling in Sam's notebook to respecting his privacy at the end. Great job not only in terms of concept and format, but also in terms of capturing their relationship.

My favorite part:

I think the demons have him pegged all wrong. What they keep trying to use against him - it's not his weakness. It's the strongest part of him. The best part of him.

Lovely.

[sholio]

Thank you very much! That's really the crux of the whole story, right there -- Sam's realization that Dean's love for his family, his drive to sacrifice himself for others, is not a weakness but instead his greatest strength. I'm glad you liked it. :)

[auntiemeesh.livejournal.com]

Aw, this is cute. Plus, you've got some really good insights into what makes Dean as infuriating and simultaneously loveable as he is. Nice job. :)

[sholio]

Thank you! ^_^

[nerthus.livejournal.com]

I adored this so so much; it was just wonderful (and I have a secret affection for those cheap notebooks--since childhood I've had one or several about me at all times or writing fanfics, original fics, poems, letters...)So I love how you used the notebook to show us Sam's interior monologues.

[sholio]

Thank you!

I love notebooks and scrapbooks and postcards and all of that -- I'm one of those people who obsessively saves all the notebooks I've ever written stuff in, and all the letters that people have sent to me. So it appealed to me very much to use this as a way of getting inside Sam's head.

[lilacsigil.livejournal.com]

Wheeeee! This was awesome! (Sorry for enjoying your angst, Sammy.) I loved the format, and Sam's demon-analysis, and Dean's extra-special decorations. Most of all, I loved the exasperated love between the brothers, and that's why I watch the show and read the fic. Perfect.

[sholio]

Thank you so much! "Exasperated love" -- wonderful way to sum them up, and that's what I watch it for, too! *g* Thanks for reading!

[muffaletta.livejournal.com]

This has to be one of the most original (and funniest) SPN "stories" I've ever read! It's so ironic, too: Sam philosophizing about demons lying/telling the truth as he does the same thing in his journal. Loved Sam's voice in this. He sounds so much like an irritated younger brother. And oh, Dean! (what more needs to be said?)

Anyways, great job-thanks for posting this!

[sholio]

*blush* Thank you so much!

And oh, Dean! (what more needs to be said?)

What more, indeed? *pets Dean*

[dolimir-k.livejournal.com]

This was such a cool concept. Loved the story. Very creative!

[sholio]

Thank you very much!

[lynzibell.livejournal.com]

That was soo good! I loved it! I loved how Sam uses it. He's not exactly sure what to do with it at first, but when he really needs it, its there to put his houghts in! And love what Dean did at the end.

[sholio]

Thank you very much! I enjoyed developing Sam's interaction with the journal -- at first not really sure what to do with it, later using it to work through his issues just as Ellen presumably hoped that he would when she suggested it ...

[parisindy.livejournal.com]

OMG almost skipped this thinking it was a sam carter thing

sooooo cool! supernatural rocks!

you do these so well!

[sholio]

Nope, different Sam! *g* I'm glad you liked it! I love doing these picture-fic thingies ... I wish I could come up with a better name for them.

[aliaseverus.livejournal.com]

That was absolutely Made of Awesome!

The first draft of most of my fics are written in notebooks like that - though I paid .50-$1.00 at a different shop. They are great for writing in. Especially if you don't want to have everyone to know what you're writing in there!

[sholio]

Thank you very much!

I love those notebooks! We bought tons of them a year or so ago when Wal-Mart had them for 10 for a dollar. I use them for everything (including, obviously, defacing and scanning this one!).

[derry667.livejournal.com]

I love and adore this so freakin much!

You did a picture fic! I really didn't expect that. I love your picture fics. I love your "plain writing" fic too, but that's beside the point.

Oh, there's just some much to love about this one! Saint Dean of Winchester, the martyr already had me ROTFLMAO and then Sam's I will not kill my brother before the demons get him mantra just totally did me in! And country music solutions! Ah, why the heck not?

But I think my favourite of Sam's research theories written in the margins was the acupuncture one. Oh, God! I would so love to be a fly on the wall when he suggested that to Dean.

One a more serious note, I really liked the way the crossed out bits of text showed the way Sam was carefully choosing his words even in a journal that no one else was supposed to read. The things that he can't bring himself to say (or rather write) even to himself. And I loved the way that he upgraded the word "dislike" to "hate" (like he's basically telling himself to stop pussyfooting around and "tell it like it is") and yet a few lines down he downgrades "terrified" to just "scared" to play down his level of fear. Fascinating looking into Sam's issues all round - and it all rings very true to me.

I really, really liked the way that you suggested that the demons messed with Sam's head by telling him that he was being burdened by trying to hold onto "normal" for both of them. That's really kinda clever. I can see Sam being at the stage of "growing maturity" where he'd half-believe that to be true and then feel totally guilty about even considering it. Dean's really not the only martyr amongst the Brothers Winchester...

And to top it all off... Well, you already know how I feel about Dean's selflessness really being more of a strength to be admired rather than some sort of weakness to be derided or pitied.

Sam's final reflections in the journal were just freakin PERFECT. I so adore Firm!Sam. Hee.

So one very, very happy - nay, ECSTATIC fangirl here!

SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

[sholio]

YAY! I'm so happy that you liked it. I wanted to do justice to your story, especially since it took me so long to finally write it.

And to top it all off... Well, you already know how I feel about Dean's selflessness really being more of a strength to be admired rather than some sort of weakness to be derided or pitied.

*grin* Well, that was the whole crux of the story, right there -- its purpose for existing. And SO difficult to develop in fic form! I started several other stories (regular written ones, not picture-fics) but I couldn't come up with a way to expressly develop that theme which wouldn't be either ludicrously heavy-handed, or so subtle that it's basically in line with what we see on the show itself. Which led to the idea of having Sam say it directly to the reader...

Hee ... the acupuncture conversation must have been very entertaining, indeed! It was HARD coming up with different ideas to stick in the margins -- I'd originally envisioned the margins having a lot more notes and scribbling of stuff that Sam had found in their Dad's journal or online, but it was harder to brainstorm ideas for THAT than for the whole rest of the story put together!

And "Saint Dean of Winchester" cracked me up when I was writing it, too. *g*

I really am very happy and squee-ful that you liked it so much! *squees*

[katie__pillar.livejournal.com]

This was fabulous. I loved all the little notes around the edges and Ellen's letter was wonderful. I can see Sammy doing something like this. And Dean defacing it.

[sholio]

Thank you! Yeah, I can totally see Dean messing around with Sam's "diary". *cracks up at your icon*

[2sexyboys.livejournal.com]

I loved the look of this. Loved reading everything from Sam's view. Well done. Great job

[sholio]

Thank you very much!

[spilled-coffee.livejournal.com]

This was great, totally loved it!

[sholio]

Thank you! ^_^

SMA'S JOURNAL

[(Anonymous)]

I don't know where you came up with this idea and the graphics, but it is awesome.

I didn't want it to end. You should really keep it going and add each week.

The statement about...well, I don't remember the exact words...but about hating but not,
is so true...more so with siblings.

This is great work. Please keep adding. I'd love to see Sam's thoughts as we go along.

Thanks for the smiles

Phyllis

ps, and if you want to do a whole story on Dean's encounter with a demon and Sam finding him, that would be awesome also.

Re: SMA'S JOURNAL

[sholio]

Thank you so much!

Yep, the hating and yet not hating ... very true of me and my siblings sometimes as well!

And it is kind of tempting to do a sequel...

[lovetheguys.livejournal.com]

That was a total delight! I think it's so sweet that Dean chose not to read Sammy's journal. I hope you continue with this, because I really enjoyed it! Love, Robin

[sholio]

Thank you very much!

Yeah, I think as much as Dean likes to mess with Sam in brotherly ways, he *does* respect his privacy. He'd totally tease him about having a "diary", but he wouldn't read it without permission.

[affinity8.livejournal.com]

This was great! I very much enjoyed it. Lots of fun stuff in there from Sammy's POV and the graphics are just wonderful. I love the notebook pages, how some parts are scribbled out, the wrinkled paper. And you got hurt!Dean in at the end, which makes me happy.

Thank you for writing and posting this.

[sholio]

You're welcome, and thank you so much for reading and liking and commenting! *g* And I couldn't resist a bit of hurt!Dean ... and worried Sam.

[awesamdais.livejournal.com]

This is so cool and creative! It really sounds like Sam, and I love Dean's little 'additions' and how he didn't read the journal. Wow, I really hope there will be more of this :-)
Thanks for sharing! I love it!

[sholio]

Thank you so much! I haven't written these characters very much, so I'm glad the voices sounded right; it can be tricky sometimes, especially when doing a monologue.

[eesia.livejournal.com]

Oh wow! It's fantastic. I couldn't stop reading. And the graphic? Beautiful and I have a feeling it was a really hard work. Anyway, I love it.

[sholio]

Thank you very much! It did take awhile ... but it gave me an excuse to play with Photoshop and my scanner. *g*

[airawyn.livejournal.com]

Oh, this is fantastic. Funny and poignant.

A couple of my favorite bits are:

Dean's so cute when he's asleep. Like a little, heavily armed puppy. He's sleeping pretty deep. I could probably glue his fingers together without waking him up.

Dammit. No glue.

and

I will not kill my brother before the demons get him

[sholio]

Hee! Thank you! I always love hearing what people's favorite bits are ... it makes me glow happily to put those things in and then find out that they were appreciated. ^_^

[ultraviolet9a.livejournal.com]

This is made of awesome. Because of the format you gave it it's so damn real! And you got the voices so damn right it's just...AWESOME. (Yes. My vocabulary is very rich today.)

[sholio]

Your comment is awesome! *g*

Thank you! (And, yay! Bobby icon! *g*)