sholio | I don't know if it's just me...?

I don't know if it's just me...?

I'm noticing more fic journals being friend-locked lately, due to all the LJ kerfluffle.

This puts me in a quandary, because I'm *really* not comfortable asking to be friended just so I can read someone's stories. I've done it exactly once so far, because there was a story that I really, really wanted to read, and I dithered for awhile before finally piping up with a small, meek friending request. But I'm very uncomfortable asking someone to friend me if I don't personally know them. It feels kind of like wandering into someone's living room, noticing that all the doors to the rooms are closed, and asking if I can open their bedroom door and go through all their stuff. *g*

Of course, I'm sort of choosy about who I friend ... not that I have any kind of system; I like keeping my friend list short and manageable, so it usually ends up being people I know personally, or people who regularly post stuff I find interesting (fic, recs, etc). I've gotten a friending request once or twice, and I've answered back that I don't friend by request, but I don't post much that's locked anyway (and, when I do, usually there's a specific reason). I certainly don't mind people friending me, but specific requests to friend back feel kind of presumptive -- which makes me very reluctant to make that kind of presumption on someone else.

Is that just me? Or do other people feel that way too?

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My big issue with journals being friendslocked is that I want a taste of what sort of stuff is in a journal before I start having it show up on my flist. About 10-15% of my flist, I really wish I hadn't friended them, but now that I've done so I sort of feel stuck (and there ARE things about them I like...) If I'd asked to be friended, it would make unfriending them that much less likely to happen.

- Helen

I admit I don't understand f-locking fic. It pretty much means I won't bother trying to read the story because I don't want to have to go through the process of getting the person to friend me - don't want to expand my flist (which is already about as large as I can handle) just to read a fic and...it feels presumptious to me to assume your fic is so good people will want to take that extra step to be able to read it. If a writer wants their stories to be read, they should find a way to post it public (make a separate journal just for fic or something if they want anonymity).

So it's less that I feel awkward asking to be friended (which I pretty much never do - once or twice if I have a specific reason) and more that I feel it's a writer's job to make it easy for readers to access their stories if they want them read.

I'm a bit like you in not having a defined system of who I friend or don't. I don't mind people asking me to friend them, but I don't necessarily automatically do so. (and I'm kinda amused reading this since I think I asked you to to friend me back when you were flocking your episode reactions and I was curious to read them...)

You did? LOL! I don't remember that! I specifically remember once someone asking me to friend them (a year or so ago) and looking at their journal and deciding that they were really not a person I wanted on my friend list, so I tried to let them down politely. That's the only time I remember it happening. So obviously, I don't even have a system for THAT, either! *g*

I think the only time I feel weird about it is when it's out of the blue someone I don't know from anywhere and wouldn't really choose to friend anyhow. I probably already knew you so it didn't ping my radar.

... aargh, leaving for airport, must stop reading LJ and go.

Yep. But I didn't do it right away - I think I'd friended you earlier and we'd already had several comment conversations on your LJ and possibly also on mine...and I think you might have even mentioned something about "I'm keeping my episode reactions flocked so let me know if you want to read them" or something like that. So, yeah, I asked, but it wasn't randomly out of the blue which is something I totally don't do.

Eh, systems aren't fun :)
What always gets me is when a person asks if they can friend me - I can't figure out if they want me to friend them too. And since this is my fandom journal, I don't usually friend people who talk more about personal life stuff than fandom stuff...meh

Safe travels!

I don't feel very comfortable asking to be friended. I've done it, if there was a f-locked story I kept hearing raves about, but I cringed while doing it. My big issue with the whole business - other than an inferiority complex :) - is that I don't really post in my own journal. Anyone who wanders over there looking to see why they should friend me isn't going to see much. So most of the time I feel like asking to be friended is going to be an exercise in futility anyway.

Well, I keep mine friend locked simply because it *is* my journal, and not strictly a fandom thing. Rather stuns me that people friend me because of that, I mean its not like these people know what I'm talking about or know the people I keep mentioning or whatever. But I've had a few say they feel like they really know me, so I guess that's a good thing. Still not the world's most exciting read, you know what I mean? I've thought several times about going back private, but have been asked not to.

Straaaaange.

As far as friending others, I'm a member of several communities and have my friends, but I don't just clog up my list. I'm very particular about what I want to read and who I want to keep up with. If there is a fic I like and they suddenly f-lock the journal, well, I have to really, really like the fic to ask for the whole friending thing. Usually I can just forget about it and move on.

Kam : )

I've been thinking of f-locking my journal, but if I did, I'd make sure my fic was public. I'm with you, I generally don't bother with a fic that's under lock and key. If it's posted on their website or an archive like Wraithbait, fine and dandy. If it's not, well, whatever. I'll join the communities that some authors have just for their fics if it's f-locked, but generally, unless it's someone whose journal I want to read otherwise, then not.

You're not alone, and my new pet peeve is stories listed on general fandom newsletters that wind up being friendslocked when I go to look at them. I've got the same reservations you do about asking and being asked for friending. It's frustrating, to say the least.

I do feel exactly the same way about the friending thing. I friend people I know and people who's stories I love and want to read. I've never asked to be friended, it does feel somewhat presumptious. I keep hoping that it's something that will pass after a time.

I flock a fair amount of personal stuff, but not all of it; my fic is unlocked, though - I'd put up a fic journal or comm if I ever felt the need to lock everything down.

I've asked one or two people to friend me, but only if I've gotten into discussions with them in other journals & felt like there was some basis for making the request. And one or two people have asked me the same thing, which I've done. I don't automatically friend back, esp. I can't get a sense of who they are from their journals, or if there's a lot of fannish squee in fandoms I don't follow.

There's an interesting dynamic around friending on lj - it's really a level of subtext all on its own, and I wonder what it looks like to somebody with a new lj who's just joining the conversation?

As someone who is new -- or still feels new, even after six months -- I can tell you that I have absolutely no idea what the etiquette is -- I really just can't tell if I'm offending or not. I just really hope not. Still, knowing me, I'm probably stomping on people's feelings left and right because I just don't know the rules. Or if there are rules. Are there rules? No, wait, don't tell me--I'm probably better off just hiding under my rock in blissful innocence. LOL!

Whatever they are, you seem to have absorbed them. I've always thought basic life rules worked here: show up, participate, don't go out of your way to be rude to people (lj corollary: don't start *too* much wank) and if you want to make friends, post fic or write posts that interest people. What I like is the sense that there's always an interesting discussion going on someplace, and it's not hard to get into the middle of it - nor is it rude to just watch.

I feel the same way you do, about f-locking. There's a sort of exclusivity about it that I dislike. If it's a personal journal, I can understand, and definitely if it's a personal entry, but otherwise...just seems like it's an extra step that I don't feel I should have to take just to read fic. And so I don't.

I've also learned that people can also apparently unfriend other people, which I find really strange. The whole thing feels, at times, very high school, with melodrama and hurt feelings and sensitivities to things that I just don't understand. It's just not something I ever want to deal with online. To me, this is a place for sharing and expressing one's art and passions, for having fun, almost like college (to keep with the silly analogy). Way I see it, I graduated from high school 15 years ago--I never ever want to go back.

The funny thing about the friending others thing is, I'm not choosy. I just found the whole thing incredibly uncomfortable right from the beginning--I hated the idea of having to "choose" friends at all. So I stopped doing it early on -- maybe after a month after I made the journal -- because, well, I'd figured out two things: (1) I wanted to friend *everyone*, which would mean I wouldn't be able to keep up with anyone, and (2) I figured out that if I wanted to go see a certain person's journal that I haven't friended, I could just go through someone else's friends page. So, now, I just don't friend anyone...heh. That, and I'm also lazy. :p

I don't have quite the same problem that you do, since I tend to read journals because the people are of interest to me, not so much for the fic.

But I would feel uncomfortable if someone asked me to friend them. When people ask if it's okay for them to friend me, I tell them it's fine, but I don't automatically friend back. Some people I do, some people I don't - it sorta depends on how I'm feeling and how into the f-list I am at the time.

I guess it depends what kind of fic you want to read. I can't think of any categories I'd want to read that would have a reason to f-lock.

I get what you're saying. I friend people with journals I find interesting and mostly to keep track of my favorite authors but really I'd like to read the fics first before deciding if the author is worth following or not and if they have more stuff happening in their lj that I can't get from the newsletters.

hmm basically I hate having to friend someone to read the goods. It feels like a big hassle and there are plenty of stories out there to read still. I just hope this doesn't become a trend. :(

as someone that likes to rec fics, flock is highly annoying and excludes fics from getting recced which as an author I don't understand why people wouldn't want their stories recommended.

i friend lock mine sometimes... mostly cause i'm paranoid and i have a different view on atlantis then some and i don't want to get in to a big battle on my LJ

It bothers me too. I don't mind it much if people have locked fic communities that you can just join and then see their stuff, just because they want to keep out search engines and have some control over the audience, especially for explicit stuff. I mean, I like unlocked fic better, but just pushing an extra button isn't so bad. But the friending thing is inconvenient.

Especially since you can't read their stuff at all once they're absent for a while from fandom. Like recently I read the start of a WIP on a website, and it turned out the rest was locked in an LJ, and I actually asked to be friended and never got a reply. I suspect it's because that fic journal just hasn't been active in a while. And you can't rec these stories either. It makes me grumpy.

God, no. Definitely not just you.
I never feel comfortable asking, and I always feel rather weird when someone whom I have never seen before, not even vaguely crossed paths with just friends me out of the blue and asks me to friend back. Never know how to react to that.
Because, I personally consider my flist to be a list of friends (even though I've been told to not be so old-fashioned, since LJ is just like another rss feed and of course everyone could read if they're interested) and so I'm always reluctant to just go up to people and ask to be friended just for fic.

Long winded way of saying: Not just you.

Not just you! Absolutely not. I feel the exact same way - I'm rather shy on the net just in general, and can find it hard to leave even the simplest comment (even feedback can be difficult to manage, even though I know how appreciated it is), so having to get a writer's attention and permission before reading anything? Makes me wig out, big time. I never know what to say, or how to say it. Plus it feels strange to me to friend people just for fic - I like to try to keep my f'list to people I actually communicate with, over more than just the occasional story or two.

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I don't know if it's just me...?

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