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I <3 my flist
So today, I woke up in a dark mood and sulked around through my morning, and then I went and hunted down some ATLA fanart to rec at ![[community profile]](https://s.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fanart_recs - and, I don't know, as I poked through art, my mood cleared up and I realized that it's not the only time. I've been prone to depression all my life -- usually not severe enough to need to be medicated for it, but I'm definitely prone to pretty low down-swings. And I'm coming to realize that fandom is, in fact, one of my coping mechanisms to get myself out of the downward spirals that I can get into. It's not a magic cure-all, of course, but you know what? It helps. It really does.
I got back into fandom in 2006 after being gone for years -- I tried to pull back, tried to stop writing fanfic because that's what I thought a serious, aspiring-pro writer needed to do. I was also moving and starting a new job, and even before that, I hadn't really been in fandom per se (at least not fanfic fandom) -- mostly I just read and wrote fic. So it didn't seem like a difficult thing to give up. But then I fell hard for SGA in early 2006, and got into LJ, and, well ...
It's been awesome.
There have been major downs to balance out the highs, of course. There've been times when I just wanted to turn my back on the whole mess, times that fandom has made me cry and scream and throw things. I'm still guilty and embarrassed over some of the mistakes I've made and the careless things I've said; there are things I wish I could take back, and times I really wanted life to have an "undo".
But all in all, ups and downs together, how could I trade the last four years and all of you guys for anything? I've made so many friends. I've gone places, done things, seen things that I would never have done if not for people I've met in fandom. I've been introduced to hundreds of new books, movies, TV shows, manga and anime. I've had wonderful, thought-provoking conversations on so many different topics. I've read blog posts and critical meta that's opened my eyes to things in the world around me I never dreamed about.
I love you guys. I love that you share the things that thrill you and make you squee, because reading your squee-posts makes me happy and high, even if I'm not in your fandom or 'ship zone. Sometimes I have to struggle with guilt about just being uncritically happy about something, but you guys set a fantastic example. Never feel guilty for being happy!
But don't feel guilty for being critical, either. I love that you all are smart and thoughtful and that I can have smart and thinky conversations with you. I love that I have learned so much, through fandom, about different ways of thinking and seeing and being; I feel like I'm not only a much better writer but a much better, more empathic person because of the things I've learned from all of you, from the discussions you've had and the ones you've linked me to. I love that so many of you, in big and little ways, are doing things to make the world better; even if we disagree, I still respect your bravery to stand up for what you believe in, and watching you makes me want to try to make the world better, too. (But there's absolutely nothing wrong with just showing up for the squee and the fic! It's not a party if no one comes, and if fandom is an escape zone for you -- as it often is for me -- please don't feel like you have to change!)
I love how so many of you have become not just LJ friends but real true friends, most of whom I've actually managed to meet in person at least once! (And eventually, I hope I'll meet all the ones I haven't!) And maybe some of you that I don't know very well are just friends I haven't made yet (including the lurkers! how could I not mention the lurkers? I've lurked through entire fandoms in the past; there is no shame in lurking!).
I really appreciate that those of you who've moved most of your operations to DW are still willing to use LJ enough to stay in touch with me. :D Knowing how some of you feel about LJ, that really means a lot to me.
Fandom in general (sort of like life itself) can be a big, terrifying, often war-torn place. No one should have to navigate fandom alone, without a road map and a safety net. ♥ That's you guys: the people who listen and comfort me, the people who share fic with me and point me to the links I'd otherwise miss -- the people who help me find my way around, and then provide a comfy place to come home to when I've had enough of the big scary world for a while.
Just writing all of this has basically put me on top of the world.
I think I can say without any bias at all that you guys are the very bestest flist ever. ♥ ♥ ♥
fanart_recs - and, I don't know, as I poked through art, my mood cleared up and I realized that it's not the only time. I've been prone to depression all my life -- usually not severe enough to need to be medicated for it, but I'm definitely prone to pretty low down-swings. And I'm coming to realize that fandom is, in fact, one of my coping mechanisms to get myself out of the downward spirals that I can get into. It's not a magic cure-all, of course, but you know what? It helps. It really does.I got back into fandom in 2006 after being gone for years -- I tried to pull back, tried to stop writing fanfic because that's what I thought a serious, aspiring-pro writer needed to do. I was also moving and starting a new job, and even before that, I hadn't really been in fandom per se (at least not fanfic fandom) -- mostly I just read and wrote fic. So it didn't seem like a difficult thing to give up. But then I fell hard for SGA in early 2006, and got into LJ, and, well ...
It's been awesome.
There have been major downs to balance out the highs, of course. There've been times when I just wanted to turn my back on the whole mess, times that fandom has made me cry and scream and throw things. I'm still guilty and embarrassed over some of the mistakes I've made and the careless things I've said; there are things I wish I could take back, and times I really wanted life to have an "undo".
But all in all, ups and downs together, how could I trade the last four years and all of you guys for anything? I've made so many friends. I've gone places, done things, seen things that I would never have done if not for people I've met in fandom. I've been introduced to hundreds of new books, movies, TV shows, manga and anime. I've had wonderful, thought-provoking conversations on so many different topics. I've read blog posts and critical meta that's opened my eyes to things in the world around me I never dreamed about.
I love you guys. I love that you share the things that thrill you and make you squee, because reading your squee-posts makes me happy and high, even if I'm not in your fandom or 'ship zone. Sometimes I have to struggle with guilt about just being uncritically happy about something, but you guys set a fantastic example. Never feel guilty for being happy!
But don't feel guilty for being critical, either. I love that you all are smart and thoughtful and that I can have smart and thinky conversations with you. I love that I have learned so much, through fandom, about different ways of thinking and seeing and being; I feel like I'm not only a much better writer but a much better, more empathic person because of the things I've learned from all of you, from the discussions you've had and the ones you've linked me to. I love that so many of you, in big and little ways, are doing things to make the world better; even if we disagree, I still respect your bravery to stand up for what you believe in, and watching you makes me want to try to make the world better, too. (But there's absolutely nothing wrong with just showing up for the squee and the fic! It's not a party if no one comes, and if fandom is an escape zone for you -- as it often is for me -- please don't feel like you have to change!)
I love how so many of you have become not just LJ friends but real true friends, most of whom I've actually managed to meet in person at least once! (And eventually, I hope I'll meet all the ones I haven't!) And maybe some of you that I don't know very well are just friends I haven't made yet (including the lurkers! how could I not mention the lurkers? I've lurked through entire fandoms in the past; there is no shame in lurking!).
I really appreciate that those of you who've moved most of your operations to DW are still willing to use LJ enough to stay in touch with me. :D Knowing how some of you feel about LJ, that really means a lot to me.
Fandom in general (sort of like life itself) can be a big, terrifying, often war-torn place. No one should have to navigate fandom alone, without a road map and a safety net. ♥ That's you guys: the people who listen and comfort me, the people who share fic with me and point me to the links I'd otherwise miss -- the people who help me find my way around, and then provide a comfy place to come home to when I've had enough of the big scary world for a while.
Just writing all of this has basically put me on top of the world.
I think I can say without any bias at all that you guys are the very bestest flist ever. ♥ ♥ ♥
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And amen to everything you said. Fandom really is one big roller coaster of an experience. Lots of highs, lots of lows (and, it's funny, because just as you posted your post of mega-happy I was contemplating doing a locked post to vent a bit of fanfic bitterness. Nothing major, just some things I need to get off my chest. I may do that later after I've thought it out a bit more. We'll see). But overall, at the end of the day, being involved in fandom can't be called a "bad" thing because you do learn so much and make awesome friends. Like you, since becoming involved in fanfic and fandoms my writing has improved and I've made more of an effort to be a lot more open minded. And, being someone who has a hard time socializing with people face to face, it provides a safe haven to socialize and feel comfortable about it.
And I hear you on the moods. I dread the days when I feel down and depressed, because it's a hard mindset to escape. But it rocks when you come across something that manages to, if not make it go away, at least shrink it down to manageable levels ;)
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I am certainly not going to discount the usefulness of a bit of locked flist venting. :D It's very cathartic! I was sort of surprised, though, at the end of writing this post, how much more cheerful it made me feel, comparatively. I've certainly done my share of locked venting, but while it's incredibly useful as a way to blow off steam, it often just keeps me thinking about the thing that upset me. Writing this just sort of picked me up and made me bouncy. (And made me feel like working on my novel again! That was my big problem this morning -- I'd set it aside as writing time, but I was too depressed and frustrated to feel like writing, and that just made me feel worse ... *g*)
And, yeah. Fandom is definitely a roller coaster! I think it's worth reminding myself that the highs outweigh the lows; I wouldn't want to change anything, because I've gained so much that's valuable through it.
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D-awww!!!!!!!!! ;)
Right back atcha, sweetie! I love the conversations you start, the fandom that you share and being on your f-list :)
Fandom has its ups and downs, but I find its a coping mechanism for me too, in more ways than one. Either designing graphics, writing, vidding, or just sharing fandom squee and experiences with friends, I love being involved and love having you guys on my f-list (and being on yours)
*HUGS*
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Yeah, it's a definite roller coaster, but the highs make the lows so very worth it. :)
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Though, to be honest, I feel like you're more one of my guides than the other way around. :) (Probably not one of those "one or the other" options, though.)
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♥
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Here's to friends and fandom.
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It really really does help! I know this on myself. If I don't see sunlight in the winter (especially February) for more than a couple of days my mood turns decidedly for the worse. And I've realized that in those days, fandoms gets me through. Lifts my mood, makes everything seem...a little brighter :D That's very nice.
*sends hugs*
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its always a struggle .. so glad you know something that can
help you feel better ((hugs))
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And guh. Reading is such a joy and I'm so happy to be involved in active fandoms and I get this silly grin when a favorite author has posted something new. Maybe my attachment might be bit obsessive, and sometimes I stand back and fee silly about it, but who cares? Sports people, car collectors, etc all have their passions.
We should embrace it! You my dear, have been a great source of happiness with you objective participation and writing.
Yay for squee!
HUGS
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But then there's the delicious thrill of reading a story and having it unfold in front of you, not knowing where it's going or what's going to happen next -- the anticipation of waiting for the good bits. mmmmm.
We should embrace it! You my dear, have been a great source of happiness with you objective participation and writing.
Awwwww. Thank you! :) (I'm certainly going to be writing a lot this winter, when I get my assignments for all the holiday ficathons I've signed up for ...)
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And yes, yes, yes, to all of this. Fandom is my joy and my sanity and my light and my inspiration all rolled up in one ridiculous ball of warm, sparkly happiness. The connections I've forged through fandom are some of the strongest I have in my life, second only perhaps to my family ties - and I feel like it goes both ways. I feel like I know the people on my f'list, know them well enough to love them.
You're definitely one of those I love and would love to meet; want to meet, want to make it happen because you're a dear and true friend, and if not for fandom, we would never have met, so that's another reason I am grateful to fandom.
Fandom, with all its flaws and its stupidity, is still... something constant and good in my life.
As is my flist. The people there - I can't imagine life without them; without everyone I've met through fandom. What would I have done in the summer of 2008 if I hadn't had the Whaleverse to write with you? That's my best memory of all those months between February and October that year - pretty much my only clear one, because everything else was routine and work and a messy real life, but our chats, our pieces of fiction, the world we created together... It brings a smile to my face now thinking about it, and I have so many memories of the creative process; of our communication; of constantly having my head on a planet in a distant galaxy. ♥
And - everything! All the joy I feel at things like TV and manga and books, it's all amplified a hundredfold simply by putting it in writing, and having others share their own words with me. And when I'm sad, fandom can and will cheer me up. You'd think people you've never met would be a bit awkward around you when you're down or having problems, but on the contrary - my f'list has come bearing sympathy and advice and hugs on so many occasions... Again, seriously, what would I do without that?
Reading this post was one of those rushes, one of those things that makes me glow with happiness. Thank you, for being you, and for being around for me. *GLOMPS*
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Fandom as a whole makes me go "... oh, fandom" a lot, the way that you might feel about a big dog that can't be trained to do anything, keeps eating your shoes and biting the mailman; you don't hate it, but you really wish it would behave better. XD But my overall experience in fandom has been incomparably wonderful, because it's made up of bits like that, and people like you. ♥
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Awww, I'm so glad that you feel the same way about our Whaleverse. That place - it still makes me smile. I am so proud of it, and if I'd left nothing else for the SGA fandom, I would still feel happy and accomplished. Our Atlantis is such a fantastic place, it really is!
Oh, fandom. Yes. Exactly! Like a puppy! That's... it. You wish it'd behave better, but you can't help but love it. And most of the time it's really a lot of fun to be around.
*hugs some more*
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I wanna write more but ah, that work thing. But I so hear you.
I can't imagine what it'd be like not reading fic, not making up scenarios in my head. It's always been such a part of who I am. I'd feel emptier without these stories. They make me happy.
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I know! I've always done it, even when I wasn't in fandom per se -- I got involved in the lives of fictional characters, sketched them, made up stories in my head at night to put myself to sleep. And sharing it with other people is even more fun than doing it alone, not to mention the whole social side of it: the friendships, the discussions, and all the rest. Sure it has its down side (what doesn't?) but all in all, it's pretty awesome. :)
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