If you had a kazillion dollars...

[sholio]

... you too could live in a house furnished entirely in white fur and driftwood!

rachelmanija and I found this site of showcase homes and now we can't stop mocking it.

For example, appreciate this house which looks like relatively normal minimalist design at first glance but reveals new depths of bonkers the more you scroll down. The giant skulls! The ladder to nowhere! The bag covered with eyes! The incomprehensible taps in the bathroom! (Evenings are punctuated by screams as guests and residents try to figure out how to take a bath without scalding themselves.)

And let's not overlook the little girl's room in which the only decoration is a four-foot-high portrait of a parakeet that looks like it's planning to eat you as soon as the lights go out.

Elsewhere in Bonkers Designville, what do you want in a house with three kids? Three white sofas!

I also appreciate the hallway bench that looks like it came straight out of an airport waiting area. "My client loved it the moment she saw it and understood what I was trying to evoke," says the associated quote from the designer. Yes, and what you're evoking is "I just missed my connecting flight to Belgium."

Also, storing your plants in the fireplace is apparently a thing. (The fireplace is also a useful space in which to store your driftwood!)

And the children's rooms continue to be nightmare fuel, as evidenced by this house in which some poor little girl gets to do homework while staring directly into the eyes of Judgmental Barbie from a foot and a half away. Also, what could be better as a design element in a small child's bedroom than a tippy and breakable vase full of sticks? (At least this child has actual toys, unlike the one with the hungry parakeet.)

Comments

[sholio]

THE GIFTS UNDER $50 PAGE

"It may sound like an overstatement to suggest that fun, creative, genuinely interesting gifts under $50 abound in a way that gifts under $25 simply do not. But it’s true."

And then they proceed to showcase an entire page of $50 gifts that mainly fall into the categories of "expensive scented candles," "weird looking vases," and "decor items that look like they were made from thrift store cookie tins."

ETA: This Christmas I'm giving my loved ones a $38 towel that says "Wish You Were Here". I bet they won't wish I'd spent that money on literally anything else!

[rachelmanija]

It's like a catalogue of every awful gift I've ever gotten from relatives I only ever see at Christmas.

[sholio]

I KNOW RIGHT??

Amusingly, the gifts under $25 are actually much better! You can get teapots, journals, planters shaped like kitties, a tiny waffle maker that I actually kinda want, and this set of cheese-stabbing implements that look like they should be used on Mrs. Peacock in the library.

[leesa_perrie]

Oh please someone buy me those cheese-stabbing implements stat!!! I'm not telling you what I want them for... :D :D

(Yeah, nothing dodgy about them at all!)

[leesa_perrie]

I can't decide between that hold anything mirrored tray (that will constantly need dusting/polishing) or the leopard teapot that, even as someone who likes leopards, I wouldn't give house room to...

Or maybe the female shape vases? Hmm, Dad would like them, not so sure Mum would though!!! :D :D

[sushiflop]

"Each candle promises to “ward off negative energy and promote good vibes”—an exciting proposition, and an assuredly fragrant one, too."

this is my favorite sentence lmaooooo