If you had a kazillion dollars...

[sholio]

... you too could live in a house furnished entirely in white fur and driftwood!

rachelmanija and I found this site of showcase homes and now we can't stop mocking it.

For example, appreciate this house which looks like relatively normal minimalist design at first glance but reveals new depths of bonkers the more you scroll down. The giant skulls! The ladder to nowhere! The bag covered with eyes! The incomprehensible taps in the bathroom! (Evenings are punctuated by screams as guests and residents try to figure out how to take a bath without scalding themselves.)

And let's not overlook the little girl's room in which the only decoration is a four-foot-high portrait of a parakeet that looks like it's planning to eat you as soon as the lights go out.

Elsewhere in Bonkers Designville, what do you want in a house with three kids? Three white sofas!

I also appreciate the hallway bench that looks like it came straight out of an airport waiting area. "My client loved it the moment she saw it and understood what I was trying to evoke," says the associated quote from the designer. Yes, and what you're evoking is "I just missed my connecting flight to Belgium."

Also, storing your plants in the fireplace is apparently a thing. (The fireplace is also a useful space in which to store your driftwood!)

And the children's rooms continue to be nightmare fuel, as evidenced by this house in which some poor little girl gets to do homework while staring directly into the eyes of Judgmental Barbie from a foot and a half away. Also, what could be better as a design element in a small child's bedroom than a tippy and breakable vase full of sticks? (At least this child has actual toys, unlike the one with the hungry parakeet.)

Comments

[rachelmanija]

The airport bench is a download, not a link.

I can't decide if my "favorite" is the ladder to nowhere, the parakeet from hell, or the skull sitting ON THE SOFA.

[sholio]

Huh, it works like a link for me! Maybe it's a browser/filetype issue? I'll check in another browser.

I can't decide if my "favorite" is the ladder to nowhere, the parakeet from hell, or the skull sitting ON THE SOFA.

I wonder how many times a day she has to yell at her kids to stay off the ladder and get out of the giant shallow dish of glass balls.

[rachelmanija]

It's a link in Chrome and a download in Safari. Weird.

I forgot about the dish of glass balls!

[sholio]

It's a link in Chrome and a download in Safari. Weird.

Huh, yeah, I just discovered that. My best guess is that the site I'm linking to has packaged the normal JPG file in a weird file type (when I download from Chrome, it downloads as a "webm", whatever that is) that Chrome recognizes but Safari doesn't. INTERNET, WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS.

I forgot about the dish of glass balls!

I also just noticed when I went back to look at something else on that page (the bonkers parakeet house) that there's a chair in the first living room picture that's shaped like a hand cupping your ass.

[conuly]

They only have to fall off once to learn to be more careful on the random ladder. Ask me how I know....