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A few thoughts on Elizabeth, and Elizabeth/Peter
This was prompted by tonight's episode of White Collar, but there are only a couple small, vague spoilers.
I've sometimes seen people objecting to Elizabeth's occasional bouts of jealousy. I saw one reaction along those lines tonight, which is what made me think about it.
On some level, I get that because I don't find jealousy a particularly attractive trait or a fun thing to read/write about. (Though I think El is just as entitled to her less attractive traits as the boys are.)
But the thing about El's jealousy ... I guess the reason why I don't find it objectionable is because she doesn't get mad, she gets sad. She doesn't accuse Peter of cheating or act in an ugly way towards other women. She simply gets a little sad and/or perhaps a bit testy, in a "you have to get mad or cry" kind of way. She doesn't act as if she genuinely thinks there's something going on; it's more the way you act when you're upset and don't have a good outlet for it.
The thing is, I think Elizabeth is fully aware that it's not rational. She knows, intellectually, that there's nothing going on, which is why she doesn't ever act on it. (She never tries to check up on Peter -- if he says nothing happened, then she believes him -- and, like I said, she doesn't ever accuse Peter or any of the women around him of infidelity.) She just can't seem to help feeling that way sometimes.
And the thought occurred to me tonight that it is, basically, a flipside version of the way Peter gets about birthdays and anniversaries. Peter worries about not being good enough for Elizabeth. In a similar sense, she worries about not being good enough for him, but it expresses differently because, as with him, it's filtered through a lens of societal gender roles. Peter is afraid he'll hurt Elizabeth and damage the relationship by not being romantic in a traditional-romance kind of way; Elizabeth is worried that she's not beautiful and desirable enough to keep him happy. In both cases, I think they're aware to some extent that it's not rational (well, El probably more so than Peter, because she's more intuitive about that stuff) but, like everyone else, they're both dealing with a lot of toxic societal messages about relationships, and how men and women are supposed to behave in relationships. Both of them value the relationship very highly and freak out a little bit when they feel as if they're not holding up their end, but it's happening on a mostly-subconscious level; I mean, I don't think Elizabeth goes around thinking, "If I don't stay beautiful enough, he'll leave me", or Peter seriously thinks that Elizabeth is going to divorce him if he doesn't give her enough presents. They just can't help feeling that way because society says "This is how relationships are supposed to be" and they both feel like they don't quite live up to the ideal.
... though of course, the Burkes are the most stable, healthy relationship on any of the shows I'm watching, and possibly one of the most stable and well-adjusted couples on TV, period. It's also one of the only TV examples I can think of in which a long-term, established couple are written as a grand love story. (The backlit kiss tonight, with the full-on first-kiss romance lighting -- that's not something you'd normally see on TV with a couple who've been together for almost 15 years.)
I've sometimes seen people objecting to Elizabeth's occasional bouts of jealousy. I saw one reaction along those lines tonight, which is what made me think about it.
On some level, I get that because I don't find jealousy a particularly attractive trait or a fun thing to read/write about. (Though I think El is just as entitled to her less attractive traits as the boys are.)
But the thing about El's jealousy ... I guess the reason why I don't find it objectionable is because she doesn't get mad, she gets sad. She doesn't accuse Peter of cheating or act in an ugly way towards other women. She simply gets a little sad and/or perhaps a bit testy, in a "you have to get mad or cry" kind of way. She doesn't act as if she genuinely thinks there's something going on; it's more the way you act when you're upset and don't have a good outlet for it.
The thing is, I think Elizabeth is fully aware that it's not rational. She knows, intellectually, that there's nothing going on, which is why she doesn't ever act on it. (She never tries to check up on Peter -- if he says nothing happened, then she believes him -- and, like I said, she doesn't ever accuse Peter or any of the women around him of infidelity.) She just can't seem to help feeling that way sometimes.
And the thought occurred to me tonight that it is, basically, a flipside version of the way Peter gets about birthdays and anniversaries. Peter worries about not being good enough for Elizabeth. In a similar sense, she worries about not being good enough for him, but it expresses differently because, as with him, it's filtered through a lens of societal gender roles. Peter is afraid he'll hurt Elizabeth and damage the relationship by not being romantic in a traditional-romance kind of way; Elizabeth is worried that she's not beautiful and desirable enough to keep him happy. In both cases, I think they're aware to some extent that it's not rational (well, El probably more so than Peter, because she's more intuitive about that stuff) but, like everyone else, they're both dealing with a lot of toxic societal messages about relationships, and how men and women are supposed to behave in relationships. Both of them value the relationship very highly and freak out a little bit when they feel as if they're not holding up their end, but it's happening on a mostly-subconscious level; I mean, I don't think Elizabeth goes around thinking, "If I don't stay beautiful enough, he'll leave me", or Peter seriously thinks that Elizabeth is going to divorce him if he doesn't give her enough presents. They just can't help feeling that way because society says "This is how relationships are supposed to be" and they both feel like they don't quite live up to the ideal.
... though of course, the Burkes are the most stable, healthy relationship on any of the shows I'm watching, and possibly one of the most stable and well-adjusted couples on TV, period. It's also one of the only TV examples I can think of in which a long-term, established couple are written as a grand love story. (The backlit kiss tonight, with the full-on first-kiss romance lighting -- that's not something you'd normally see on TV with a couple who've been together for almost 15 years.)
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One thing I notice is that Elizabeth tends to get jealous when she feels she has less control. I really don't think her worries in this episode were mainly about Peter going undercover with attractive women, although she did worry about that. Mainly, I think, Elizabeth feels that their lives have spun completely out of control, with the car crash, prison, and now Seigel's death. She thought Peter's promotion would bring some of that control back, but it hasn't.
Elizabeth finds Peter needing to flirt in "Vital Signs" hilarious, until she realizes it went further than she thought. When she realizes the situation was not quite what she thought it was, then she reacts. In "Veiled Threat," it's really not about jealousy at all, but rather Peter being in danger, being so close and so vulnerable with a serial killer. On the other hand, she shows no jealousy whatsoever in "Compromising Positions." He reaction to Peter and Sara is not, "Peter is embracing an attractive woman!" but "Oh god, you two need my help." And I think, well for one thing, she can see that she has nothing to worry about, but also, she can be very much in control of the situation, to the point where she's directing them.
I don't think this is in conflict with any of your thoughts. Just something I feel interesting.
(It's strange. I hate jealousy. It's one of my least favorite personality traits to watch. At yet, Elizabeth's little displays of it don't bother me at all. I think it's because, like you said, that she just feels her emotions. She doesn't accuse Peter or anyone else of infidelity. And because, as I said, that I think there's more going on there.)
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I also agree with your whole last paragraph. I really hate jealousy too; I don't enjoy fictional depictions of it. But Elizabeth's version doesn't bother me at all, and I guess that's what got me thinking about it and trying to analyze it from that perspective, and yeah, I think it largely comes down to the fact that she doesn't make it Peter's (or anyone else's) problem -- she might act out her feelings sometimes, but she clearly seems to be aware that it's her issue, not his. And I do think you have a good point about the control thing.