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White Collar ficlet: Grounded
Another one from Fandom Stocking! (Just one more to go after this one.) This is really just a little bite of fic.
Grounded: gen, h/c, 800 wds, Peter & Neal. Neal is drugged on a case; that's all there is of actual plot. Crossposted to AO3.
The world is wrong, and everything is the wrong size. Neal reaches out and watches his hand recede on the end of a long, long arm. He's forgotten what he's reaching for. There's something that he's supposed to be doing, but he doesn't remember what, and someone he doesn't want to let down, but he doesn't remember who.
There are people around him, but they're all the wrong shape, and their words are coming out in funny colors and twisting in slippery ways that make him a little sick.
He has to find someone, so he stands up, but the ground slides out from under his feet. "Sit down," someone says impatiently, a woman's voice, but even when he's sitting, he's still falling, and there's nothing to hold onto, nothing that isn't moving. He grabs someone's sleeve, or tries to, but his hand is going at the wrong speed to sync up and it misses. Relativity, he thinks, and maybe says out loud. But that's not what he meant to say. The words fall out of his head before he can find the right ones. And that's bad, because if he says the wrong thing, something bad is going to happen. So maybe he'd just better not say anything at all. Except he needs to ask for something, or someone, but he can't remember what ...
The world is the wrong shape and the wrong size, and he buries his face in his hands to make it stop, stop, stop moving, but he can see through his fingers, so that doesn't help.
"Neal?"
There are hands on him, big hands, warm and strong and secure. "Peter," Neal says. That's who he was trying to find. He can't even remember for certain who Peter is -- the memories slide away, everything is sliding, sliding -- but he knows Peter will make this okay.
"Wow, you're pretty messed up, aren't you?" Peter says, but the words don't matter, it's his voice, low and steady and giving Neal something to hang onto. "I'm sorry it took me so long to get here --" and there's more, Peter's still talking, but the words blur and swell and contract, twisting through his ears like snakes. It's all right. Words don't matter, words twist and turn and lie. Peter's here, Peter is going to make things okay. And he still feels like he's falling, but when he holds onto Peter, he feels it a little less. Peter won't let him fall.
So he just hangs on, and Peter's words wash over him in a warm steady wave, and when Peter takes him somewhere, he goes, because Peter won't be taking him anywhere bad.
***
He drifts awake a long time later, or maybe it's a short time later. He's melded into the familiar dips and lumps of Peter and Elizabeth's couch, his body conforming to its shape in a way that is probably going to hurt his back later. There's a blanket over him. His head feels too big, and his tongue is fuzzy.
He can hear Peter and Elizabeth talking in the kitchen, just quiet married-couple chatter. It's peaceful and it makes him feel safe, and though he thinks he should probably get up or say something, he just wants to go on drifting here.
Eventually Peter's sock-clad footsteps approach him. He knows it's Peter; he'd recognize Peter's tread anywhere. Neal cracks an eye open, and Peter smiles at him.
"I thought you might be waking up. Water?"
Neal takes the glass in both hands, like a child. He's still a bit shaky and not too sure of his ability to hold it otherwise. The first swallow doesn't feel like it'll stay down, but it does. Peter wordlessly hands him a couple of aspirin, and he takes them with the rest of the glass of water, and feels a little better afterwards. He doesn't feel bad, exactly, except for a slight headache. Just weird and spacey.
Peter sits on the arm of the couch. "Do you remember what happened?"
Neal rubs his eyes, trying to unfuzz himself. "I was undercover with the Brady crew, and I ... got roofied?"
"Pretty much, and then we lost contact with you. We were tying ourselves into knots trying to find you, but apparently what happened is that Jim Brady's sister smuggled you out the back and took you to a hospital. She didn't know you were undercover; she just didn't want to see her brother hurt you."
"Always knew I liked her."
Peter smiles lopsidedly. "And she liked you, apparently. She's cutting a deal with us."
"So I got the bad guys," Neal says, and flops down again on the couch. "With my charm and panache."
"Yes, we're all glad you're using your superpower for good and not evil." Peter's words are dry, but the tone is warm, and Neal decides that moving is overrated. He's on Peter's couch, and he's safe. Maybe he'll just stay here for a while.
~
Grounded: gen, h/c, 800 wds, Peter & Neal. Neal is drugged on a case; that's all there is of actual plot. Crossposted to AO3.
The world is wrong, and everything is the wrong size. Neal reaches out and watches his hand recede on the end of a long, long arm. He's forgotten what he's reaching for. There's something that he's supposed to be doing, but he doesn't remember what, and someone he doesn't want to let down, but he doesn't remember who.
There are people around him, but they're all the wrong shape, and their words are coming out in funny colors and twisting in slippery ways that make him a little sick.
He has to find someone, so he stands up, but the ground slides out from under his feet. "Sit down," someone says impatiently, a woman's voice, but even when he's sitting, he's still falling, and there's nothing to hold onto, nothing that isn't moving. He grabs someone's sleeve, or tries to, but his hand is going at the wrong speed to sync up and it misses. Relativity, he thinks, and maybe says out loud. But that's not what he meant to say. The words fall out of his head before he can find the right ones. And that's bad, because if he says the wrong thing, something bad is going to happen. So maybe he'd just better not say anything at all. Except he needs to ask for something, or someone, but he can't remember what ...
The world is the wrong shape and the wrong size, and he buries his face in his hands to make it stop, stop, stop moving, but he can see through his fingers, so that doesn't help.
"Neal?"
There are hands on him, big hands, warm and strong and secure. "Peter," Neal says. That's who he was trying to find. He can't even remember for certain who Peter is -- the memories slide away, everything is sliding, sliding -- but he knows Peter will make this okay.
"Wow, you're pretty messed up, aren't you?" Peter says, but the words don't matter, it's his voice, low and steady and giving Neal something to hang onto. "I'm sorry it took me so long to get here --" and there's more, Peter's still talking, but the words blur and swell and contract, twisting through his ears like snakes. It's all right. Words don't matter, words twist and turn and lie. Peter's here, Peter is going to make things okay. And he still feels like he's falling, but when he holds onto Peter, he feels it a little less. Peter won't let him fall.
So he just hangs on, and Peter's words wash over him in a warm steady wave, and when Peter takes him somewhere, he goes, because Peter won't be taking him anywhere bad.
***
He drifts awake a long time later, or maybe it's a short time later. He's melded into the familiar dips and lumps of Peter and Elizabeth's couch, his body conforming to its shape in a way that is probably going to hurt his back later. There's a blanket over him. His head feels too big, and his tongue is fuzzy.
He can hear Peter and Elizabeth talking in the kitchen, just quiet married-couple chatter. It's peaceful and it makes him feel safe, and though he thinks he should probably get up or say something, he just wants to go on drifting here.
Eventually Peter's sock-clad footsteps approach him. He knows it's Peter; he'd recognize Peter's tread anywhere. Neal cracks an eye open, and Peter smiles at him.
"I thought you might be waking up. Water?"
Neal takes the glass in both hands, like a child. He's still a bit shaky and not too sure of his ability to hold it otherwise. The first swallow doesn't feel like it'll stay down, but it does. Peter wordlessly hands him a couple of aspirin, and he takes them with the rest of the glass of water, and feels a little better afterwards. He doesn't feel bad, exactly, except for a slight headache. Just weird and spacey.
Peter sits on the arm of the couch. "Do you remember what happened?"
Neal rubs his eyes, trying to unfuzz himself. "I was undercover with the Brady crew, and I ... got roofied?"
"Pretty much, and then we lost contact with you. We were tying ourselves into knots trying to find you, but apparently what happened is that Jim Brady's sister smuggled you out the back and took you to a hospital. She didn't know you were undercover; she just didn't want to see her brother hurt you."
"Always knew I liked her."
Peter smiles lopsidedly. "And she liked you, apparently. She's cutting a deal with us."
"So I got the bad guys," Neal says, and flops down again on the couch. "With my charm and panache."
"Yes, we're all glad you're using your superpower for good and not evil." Peter's words are dry, but the tone is warm, and Neal decides that moving is overrated. He's on Peter's couch, and he's safe. Maybe he'll just stay here for a while.
~
no subject
"So I got the bad guys," Neal says, and flops down again on the couch. "With my charm and panache."
"Yes, we're all glad you're using your superpower for good and not evil."
Hee! Man, I love these two.
no subject
White Collar Fandom
(Anonymous) 2013-02-13 07:11 pm (UTC)(link)It upsets me too, when I see Peter hate. Some of the Neal fans, much like Neal himself, don't stop to think that while Peter might seem to be interfering, his interference in the past has kept Neal alive, out of jail, etc...often at the expense of his career, his own safety, his marriage, etc. Peter is more practical than Neal. He can see things Neal can't see clearly. He can see Neal headed for an abyss, and being a friend, he wants to try and prevent it.
I don't see anything wrong with that, although maybe the WAY in which Peter does it could be better. They could be more open and honest with each other, for starters. But then I remember all the MULTIPLE times Neal has continued to break the law, lied, and mislead his friend, never once visibly seeming to care that he could cause his friend problems. And then I'm perfectly okay again with Peter's meddling. Peter cares about Neal, but at least some of Peter's meddling is because he's trying to prevent harm to HIMSELF and his wife and their world. And I really can't blame him one bit.
Are they bad for each other? In some ways, yes, they are. Peter's life would be a lot safer and calm without Neal, but it would be much more boring, and he wouldn't have that FRIEND.
Neal could just do whatever he wanted without someone nagging him (although it wouldn't be long before he'd be behind bars again), but he'd also be without knowing one person TRULY cares about him enough to STOP him from imploding.
So yeah in a way they are dysfunctional...but they also WORK. And when they work, it *almost* makes the angst worthwhile.
Doesn't it? :)
Thanks for reading,
Michele
Re: White Collar Fandom
I do get awfully frustrated when fandom is unfair to Peter (and my frustrations were really hitting a boiling point late last year). It's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels that way!
On the other hand, I don't want to flip it around and become so defensive of Peter that I'm unfair to Neal in return. There are times, I believe, when Peter goes overboard with his protective/invasive thing with Neal. I can usually see why he's doing it ... but, then, I can usually see why Neal does what he does, too. They're both flawed and they both make mistakes, and that's what I like about them.
I also don't think it's accurate to say that Peter's the only one who cares about Neal that much, or even the only thing keeping him out of prison -- he's at least as close to Mozzie as he is to Peter, and Peter is, after all, the one who put him in prison in the first place. (And one thing that's sweet about them is that Neal really doesn't seem to care; it's not something that he holds against Peter in the slightest. It's just part of the weird thing that they have.)
I did feel, in the first half of season four, that the self-sacrifice scales were unbalanced towards Peter -- that is, it was mostly Peter sacrificing on Neal's behalf, without really getting a whole lot back. And that was one of my sources of frustration. But things do tip the other way, too, and it's feeling a lot more equal to me in the back half of the season.
One thing I'd lost sight of, too, is that Peter clearly doesn't feel like he isn't getting back what he puts into the relationship. He's a big boy and he is obviously happy with what he's getting back from Neal.
Ironically the characters are a lot more accepting and forgiving of each other than the fans are ... and I include myself in that. :D
So, yeah ... I've had my frustrations, with the characters AND the fandom, but I've been feeling pretty good about the whole thing lately. They ARE kind of dysfunctional, but in a way that seems to work for them, and they both clearly find the relationship rewarding and worthwhile, which I suppose is the important thing!