sholio | New SGA fic: Ghost in the Machine

Brilliant brilliant brilliant! Damn it, why hasn't this been rec'd all over the place? Is it because the fandom is too obsessed with shipping and/or slash? Or is it just because I've not been browsing coms in LJ too much?

(And here's me the slasher saying this!)

I really love a good mystery and your story had all the right elements. The way the events unfolded, the bickering, the tone, the unveil... I guessed who the old guy was but I didn't see Sheppard as the voice or the creature.

I really loved the way it ended - you gave us a happy ending even if they both died.

And I just adored the John-Rodney friendship... I loved it that old Rodney treasured John's dogtags (I was curious what was in the box) and how he lived all those years without killing the creature because he felt responsible and guilty, and couldn't bring himself to do it.

I read your notes and chuckled - you're absolutely right - Rodney does have a distinctive voice and it must have been hard to conceal his identity in the beginning but you gave us clues with John sort of picking him out first.

Thank you for sharing! :D

*grin* Thank you so much! As far as sheer effort-per-paragraph, this story was way beyond anything I've tried to write before (mysteries! and ambiance! and hiding secrets and dropping clues and aaaaiiieeeee) so I'm incredibly happy that the effort paid off and the result turned out well. Thank you very much for reading and for the wonderful feedback!

I've just read this, having come here via xanthe's live journal's friends section. It was recced by mcalex22.

This story was fantastic. Had a great plot, the characterisation was spot on, and it had a tragic secret well set up which I definately didnt see coming.

Brilliantly done.

Look forward to reading more of your work.

Yinka

Thank you so much for the awesome feedback!

I'm sorry it took me this long to reply. *kicks self* But I'm very happy that you liked it so much!

Oh...this is so cool. I've read a couple of your other stories (I'm just too rude and/or lazy to comment on them) and I really love your Rodney characterization, the way he's a whiny, self-centered asshole most of the time, but when things really go to hell, he's a hero.

Thank you very much! LOL ... I don't feel like anyone owes me feedback-- not that it isn't nice to hear, of course, but I appreciate the lurkers too, because I've been a lurker on quite a lot of fic myself! But thank you for delurking to let me know. *g* And I love my little reluctantly-heroic Rodney.

I've been meaning to tell you that I read this and tbought it was great (as usual). But somehow I keep getting sidetracked by comments about Doctor Who and other random issues.

So yes, I really liked this fic. Happy Halloween!

Heh. I think you did mention (in an email maybe?) that you'd read this and liked it, so I'm happy. *g* But thanks! And by the way, did you delete your comment to my other post, or did it mysteriously vanish? I got the notification, but the comment is gone...

Well, the lines of communication via email and LJ have been reasonably busy recently. So I maybe I did tell you via email. LOL!

And the comment on the other post... well, I wrote it last night when I was distracted and rather tired - and after I wrote it LJ did something funny that sort of locked me out of even reading your journal. I have no idea what happened. But when I went back this morning, I realised that I'd misunderstood a few things that people were saying about the issue and the post seemed pointlessly quarrelsome in the light of a new day.

Frankly, I think the whole kerfuffle is another example of fandom histionics that I'd rather just avoid. Again there is the issue of people harping on about their rights and their freedoms - whilst ignoring the responsibilities that come with freedom which include the responsibilities that come with artistic expression (as you eloquently pointed out).

So in the morning light, I kinda decided that my post wasn't saying anything that was really worth saying. And you'd already pretty much said what I wanted to say. So I deleted the post. But you can take it as read, that I'm standing behind you with pom-poms and cheering you on ;-P

the post seemed pointlessly quarrelsome in the light of a new day.

Ummm... I mean my comment and not your original post, of course. *face palm*

I cannot emphasise enough how brilliant this story is!(One exclamation mark is truly not enough, but I'm complying with the rule not to overdo it). The characters of John and Rodney are perfect but I'm also loving our mysterious character who is such a great foil to McKay. I'm held enthralled by this piece of fiction; having been a fully committed SG-1 reader who didn't even want to consider that SGA existed anywhere, because of Sholio, I am now hooked on Atlantis.

Thank you so much! That's really a fantastic compliment -- well, all of it really, but I'm incredibly flattered that my writing got you interested in Atlantis. Thank you!

Eeeeeee! This is the perfect scary story for these two. Reading the the beginning and the disconcerting feeling that you get gave me chills. I also had a feeling that the old man was Rodney when I was reading his dialog, but the way you sprung how everything went wrong just ripped out my heart. Poor boys. I'm just glad that past Rodney was able to get some closure from John.

Thank you so much! I was so terrible to them in this story ... but I'm really glad you liked it.

Well, that was - lovely and horrifying and sad and fantastic? I'm a bit conflicted at the moment, because you almost made me cry, but then there was happy warm fuzzies and such good character moments (and a Ronon-hug!) and... it's feels pretty good now, but there was a while when I was reading where it was just painful, because - oh, Rodney.

And what a great job you did on Alt!Rodney! I started the story thinking it was a random extra, and then there were details that pinged me as... hmm. What if it's one of the team? But battling monsters in the wilderness is such a Sheppard/Ronon thing that I couldn't really disassociate from those expectations, and it didn't feel like Sheppard or Ronon, and, again - Rodney and years and years of desperate wilderness survival is just not the first thing that comes to mind.

But then he came to their rescue, and he was bickering with Rodney, and some of his comments... it was just way too familiar, especially after John recognized him at first. At the same time it was all so wrong that I couldn't decide if I was right about what was going on, and if it hadn't been for the whole opening bit where the old man had shot at the creature, and hurt it, I would have been inclined to agree with McKay's theory - I sort of was anyway, even despite the evidence to the contrary! Because there was the voice, too, and - this was such a cool plot!

I knew it had to be Rodney when he started talking with John, though, and even before that I was thinking it certainly could be, so - the interaction between alt!Rodney and Rodney, and John, it was absolutely heart-wrenching. Him watching the two of them, after having been alone for so long, and then John's forgiving him, and - oh.

And then you even managed to kill them both off in a way that felt like a good sort of ending for them, despite everything that had happened, and that's quite a feat - I find the scenes from old Elizabeth's memories difficult to watch in "Before I Sleep", and those are pretty quick deaths, without years and years of suffering first, and - ow. But then there's Sheppard in Rodney's head, and they're going out together, and... yeah. Here's where the (almost!) crying comes in. *whimper* The normalizing interaction at the end were much needed after that. (How much do I love that Rodney and John have canon coping mechanisms for dealing with being confronted by their own deaths? Very much - and you captured that beautifully, in a way that made me smile!)

Some of my favourite bits about this story was - the way this proves Rodney deals. Just like he himself was impressed by that realization, so was I. It's not fancy and it's not pretty, but he makes do, and he survives. And he does this through his pain and guilt and with a monster out to get him - a monster he can't bring himself to kill. Loved the details like the carved box he'd spent so much time on, and the clever chimney-system, too. That's Rodney getting to use skills he's good at...

That, and then John's fear of the Iratus bugs, and then managing to fall asleep feeling safe anyway, because Rodney's there to keep the bugs away, and - awww!

Actually, just assume there's a whole lot of aww, because all of the h/c and Rodney trying to be comforting and alt!Rodney still not being very good with looking at his friend's wounds, for all that he's much more adept at taking care of them. That whole bit was lovely, of course. ♥

I'm sure there's stuff I'm forgetting, but I'm pretty sure I'm approaching that character limit, so - in conclusion, cool story! Most impressive.

As always, thank you so much for the lovely long feedback! ^_^

This story really did hurt in some ways. It was a difficult one to write for a lot of reasons; it's terrible to think of Rodney living out his life that way. I'm glad you liked it anyway! And, yeah, Rodney really does have a lot of resilience, I think. He's smart and resourceful, and he wouldn't just lay down and die, especially if he had a goal to focus on (fixing the DHD, saving John).

Thank you! ♥

I've just read this story and I have to say - breathtakingly great. :-) I really, really enjoyed it immensely. I suspected relatively early who the hermit actually was, mostly because of the way he reacted to the character with the broken leg *g*, and what would be the contents of the hermit's box. Made me silently squeeing in joy when those suspicions were confirmed. :-)

Everything else came as a surprise, especially the revelation about the monster. *g* I *never* saw this coming and the explanation about what happened and how this situation came about was an absolute surprise to me. :-) You had me thinking and guessing the whole time but I never got on the right track, let alone found out, until it was revealed. :-) Very thrilling, very suspenseful, very exciting. A great, great read.

And the scene towards the end, when Rodney heard Sheppard's voice saying that he didn't want to live like that and Rodney answering a little later he also didn't want to - just heartbreaking. You had me crying with this. I can't thank you enough for writing this story. I really, really *love* it.

Oh, thank you SO much for the wonderful feedback! This really made my day. :) It was difficult to hide the hermit's identity; Rodney is just so distinctive that there's no concealing him for long! I'm actually glad that you got it because it makes me feel like I did a good job at getting his voice down. And I'm so, so glad that you liked it so much. Thank you! :)

You're welcome, it was entirely *my* pleasure. :-)

>>I'm actually glad that you got it because it makes me feel like I did a good job at getting his voice down.<<

You did an outstanding job with this. :-) And I loved how I could follow your hints to figure out who the hermit really was while absolutely *not* being able to find out what had actually happened that led to this situation. It was a lovely mix, figuring out part of the riddle though not losing the tension because I was not able to figure out the whole picture. This was simply great work and you have a stunning talent as an author. :-)

What a great story. Well written, strong on voice and right on canon. Thank you for some truly worthwhile fanfic.
from feathers

Thank you so much! :)

I guiltily must confess that I spoiled myself for the major reveal of this story - I habitually check the last couple lines of long fics, because I need to be sure of a happy ending, or else be braced for it otherwise (don't do it with novels, but fanfics are different) and happened to catch the phrase 'Old Rodney' in the doing, which was enough to make me guess pretty early on. However I didn't cotton onto Sheppard being the monster, so much of the suspense worked anyway.

And I gotta say, it's a wonderfully fun story, in a terrible boy-you're-mean-to-McKay way. Yay for SG pseudoscience, it's better than magic! has less rules! Terrifically clever idea, if heartbreaking...to imagine Rodney living on his own for 40 years, hunted by a monster he couldn't bring himself to kill...ow. I liked the way Sheppard bonded with old-Rodney without totally knowing why, and the contrast of old-Rodney's gentleness with Sheppard vs his bitter hatred of himself - both his own person and his younger self.

It says a lot that the story's still a great read even knowing the secret - it's the details, what old-Rodney is good at (locks and weapons) and bad at (anything domestic) and what he's had to learn. And of course the interaction between the boys, always entertaining as they try to figure out their latest adventure, and awfully sweet in their prickly will-never-admit-it-except-on-pain-of-death-and-even-then-it's-hestitantly way. Also, h/c. Yum. (I gotta ask, do you hurt Sheppard's legs so often just to get him to lean on McKay? Because that's been my theory. I heartily approve!)

(The only problem is that now I've read pretty much all your fic (along with all of Tipper's, and NotTasha's, and a few others) and I'm running out of SGA h/c epics to devour, which is a sad state of affairs!...don't suppose you've got anything else cooking at the moment? Hmm? Know you haven't been writing as much lately, but can I hope? (I'm sort of trying my hand at the genre myself, but it's not the same...!))

LOL! You know, I'm such a thorough spoilerphobe that it never even occurs to me someone's going to do that! In a tense part of a story, I'll even use the arrow keys to click down a line at a time so that I don't skip forward with my eyes and see how things turn out. *g* Which isn't to say I think there's anything wrong with reading like that, of course (and I know several people who peek at the last page of a novel, too).

I should note, though, that despite all my care to hide "old Rodney's" identity, most people got it before the end anyway. *g*

However, I think that reading it already knowing that, you probably caught a lot more of the little details. Like, yes, the way that he's great with mechanical objects but just struggling along on things like basket-weaving.

(I gotta ask, do you hurt Sheppard's legs so often just to get him to lean on McKay? Because that's been my theory. I heartily approve!)

LOL! I actually noticed this recently -- I don't think I've ever deliberately set out to hurt his legs; it just keeps ... happening! I think it's probably so common with me because it's a good, non-life-threatening way to make him sit still and rely on somebody else (*cough*Rodney*cough*); otherwise, he basically has to be at death's door in order to keep him from rushing out there and saving the day -- not that there's any problem with having him at death's door if that's what the plot calls for, but otherwise, kind of annoying because then I have to figure out a way to keep him alive...

I think I differ from most h/c writers in that I usually don't set out with a specific h/c scenario in mind. There are a couple of exceptions to that -- I planned the hypothermia in "Killing Frost" from the beginning, for example, although the rest of the injuries in that one are incidental to the plot. However, generally, whatever happens to the characters tends to develop as a result of the plot. And sometimes it screws me up ... in "Running on Empty" I never planned to have Sheppard at death's door and mostly incapable of walking for a large part of the story. I NEEDED him to be mobile! My whole finale, the Wraith trap and all of that, was supposed to have Sheppard as a much more active participant. He was just supposed to get stunned by the Wraith in the scene where Rodney rescues him. But, well, one thing led to another, I suppose...

..don't suppose you've got anything else cooking at the moment? Hmm? Know you haven't been writing as much lately, but can I hope? (I'm sort of trying my hand at the genre myself, but it's not the same...!)

Oh! You're writing SGA? Dare I hope? \o/

I actually do have a couple of long(ish) stories sitting around gathering dust on my hard drive; one of them kinda got jossed by season 3 (but I think I might have figured out a way around that) and the other started out as a pure shameless indulgence in h/c, which meant I wasn't ever planning on posting it anywhere (I do have my pride! *g*) but it seems to have spontaneously developed a plot, so ... we'll see. I'm writing a story for

yuletide this year and also participating in a secret Santa exchange for

sheppard_hc (where I'm writing to a specific request), so after those are done, I'm planning on "playing" for a while. Ironically, I always seem to write Sheppard h/c when my real love is for Rodney comfort, which means I'm well overdue for a nice long Rodney-whumper of a story.

(and I know several people who peek at the last page of a novel, too).

That would be my sister, and it drives me nuts! Which means I'm totally hypocritical about the fic, but... XD

Ahhh I forgot to mention I just read "Running on Empty"! (was off in Taiwan at the time - printed fic are good airplane fare!) - eeeee so much fun, that one! Rodney running around with a gaggle kids, Sheppard running around amnesiac and convinced that they've gotta be brothers, nothing else would explain it; and then the end. Which I ended up rereading. Uh, a couple times. From about the point Rodney gets bee-stung (much love for anaphylactic shock! eheh...we h/c'ers say the strangest things. but you know what I mean ^^) and that's enough for Sheppard's memory to return, and then they're staggering around supporting each other, and then Sheppard is dying and then he actually DIES and Rodney CRIES and oh oh oh *squeaks in helpless glee* (speaking of dying, in "Ghost in the Machine" I loooved the little conversation about Rodney's will and how it's mostly going to Sheppard anyway, and Sheppard finding that a bit creepy, and how that discussion was literally laughing in the face of death. Aww.)

I also reread "That Which Is Broken" which I can't recall if I commented about before...I enjoyed it more on the reread, because my take on the chars has changed a little (first couple seasons I didn't see the Sheppard-McKay friendship as much, but 3rd season sold me completely, enough that I can now easily see it in the past stories as well. And it is a fun, fun Doranda fix...the boys curled up on each other! awww! I love how much you gotta do to them to get them to curl up on each other...heh.)

so ... we'll see

eeeeee! *holds party* ^___^

Ironically, I always seem to write Sheppard h/c when my real love is for Rodney comfort, which means I'm well overdue for a nice long Rodney-whumper of a story.

*laughs*

gnine will be beyond thrilled. She loves your writing but also loves Rodney-whump more than the Sheppard-hc...I've found I like it as much either way, especially because you do it for the Rodney-care, which is just delicious. (some of the more Sheppard-focused fics I don't go for as much...love & am fascinated by Sheppard, but I'm a McKay girl, 150% ^^; But I adore your version of the boys, so whatever you've got 'em doing, I'm happy!)

You're writing SGA?

Eheh...

gnine wouldn't have it any other way. Though given my recent WiP track record I'm refusing to post any fic until I have 'em done. Got one that's already far longer than the single scene it was meant to be. Oops. (purely gratuitous Rodney-whump, partly because of the sis's demands, partly because when he's tortured and out of it he's easier to write...I find his genius a bit intimidating to capture, otherwise! ^^;)

btw, if ever you want a beta for "a pure shameless indulgence in h/c"...or just want to share it without going public...I am always, ALWAYS up for shameless h/c, you know XD

Wow, this was amazing. Truly spooky. I got the feeling that the old guy was McKay, but couldn't figure out what the fuck was going on, even though all the information was there... and then you told me and I was just, oh, god, so sad, but they get home, yay! This would be an INCREDIBLE episode of SGA. I really adored it.

I had to fight with myself SO hard not to pg down to the end of the story and figure out what was going on, but you ramped the tension up so perfectly I trusted you not to screw it up and so I kept going. So yay you, because I hate mysteries most of the time and spoil myself!

Thank you SO much! *blush* I'm so incredibly happy and flattered that you liked it so much; it was a very difficult story to write (due to trying to build the mystery and hide both of the "alt" McKay and Sheppard's identities) and it makes me feel so very good to know that it came out well. Thank you!

I started reading this many weeks ago and just now had a chance to come back and finish it, and YAY! It's edge-of-your-seat wonderful, as so many of your stories are -- adventure, sci fi, horror, friend/buddy story, John-and-Rodney, all wrapped up together. I guessed pretty early on that the old guy was Rodney -- I wish I could remember when and why so I could tell you -- but couldn't guess how it had happened, and never would have guessed that the monster had to do with Sheppard if I hadn't caught a clue from your year-end fic review post (I should've known better than to finish that paragraph before I'd finished the story!). It was fun to read the story knowing something Rodney & John didn't, watching Rodney and Old Rodney bicker when Rodney didn't realize he was insulting himself and didn't give himself enough credit for surviving with no more knowledge or tools than he had at that very moment, and hearing Old Rodney talk to the both of them about the tragedy that left him stranded and old and his friend dead, or as good as. Really neat premise and well-handled reveals at the end.

Thank you so much for this! Heh, yeah ... I guess that I do totally spoil my own story in the end-of-year post, don't I? Er. Oops. Still, most people seem to have gotten the Rodney connection pretty quickly -- he's just too incredibly distinctive to hide for very long! But I'm really, really happy that the story worked anyway. I worked hard on this one and getting feedback like this makes me so very warm and fuzzy. *g* I really enjoyed (in a messed-up, poor-Rodney kind of way) writing the interactions between his younger and older self, because I think Rodney in canon is very hard on himself sometimes, and in this case, I could have both versions of himself bringing that self-critical inner dialogue out into the open! It was quite fun!

...or when he eats after midnight...

-sniffsniff- Is that a Petshop of Horrors reference I smell? Or a very good coincidence?

Anyway, I've been wading my way through your fanfiction and have enjoyed every single one thus far, this one included. Congratulations.

It's actually a reference to Gremlins (http://imdb.com/title/tt0087363/) (I'd forgotten that Pet Shop of Horrors used the same idea). But thank you! Delighted that you liked it!

Excellent. So creepy I almost couldn't take it. (It reminded me of "Red" in the SPN fandom.) You came up with something genuinely unpredictable, with John being sent back in time and turned into the Iratus creature. Frankly, Rodney could never have pictured that result. Even if he'd realized that the gate was wired to a time machine, he would never have known.

I did start to pick up that this guy was a lot like Rodney very early on, and it was his character voice that eventually gave him away. As soon as we were at the tower and he was saying that he killed his best friend, I knew. It was the combination of character voice, his self-important assertion that he was a scientist, and the emotion connected to Sheppard.

I still wasn't completely sure, though, so opening the box with John's dogtags sank home. I love that by then Sheppard knew, so he wasn't entirely surprised either, yet the impact of those dogtags slowly sank in, making it all real.

The fact that it was Sheppard gave that creature an extra degree of horror. Why didn't it tear off the wristband? Or did Rodney anthropomorphize the creature keeping the wristband and it just had no interest in it?

I also appreciate having the A/N at the end. Very Masterpiece Theatre in its effect.

Thank you so much for the long, detailed feedback! This made my day. ^_^ Sorry it's taken me a little while to get back to you!

Why didn't it tear off the wristband? Or did Rodney anthropomorphize the creature keeping the wristband and it just had no interest in it?

The latter. The idea was that he'd pretty much lost all interest in clothes and personal keepsakes (I'm still not entirely sure how Rodney got the dog tags) though he did retain enough intelligence to recognize that guns could hurt him. His clothes rotted or fell off or were torn off; the wristband was small and unobtrusive enough that he never really paid attention to it.

This was probably one of the most difficult stories I've written because of the need to build up the mystery plausibly without giving away all my secrets in the beginning. I'm delighted that it unspooled much as I'd hoped. Thank you!

WOW. That was intense and tragic with a good dose of angst and whumping of the boys. : )

I love how you laid it all out. Leaving clues as to who the caveman and the monster were. The time loop and the explanation for what happened to Sheppard was a great twist.

The part where Sheppard finds out what is in the box made me teary eyed.

At the end where OLDRodney kills MonsterSheppard and himself was so sad but really the only way it could end.

I like how Rodney and John were teasing each other when Ronan and Teyla show up with food and they just hang out together.

Thanks for a great story.

Thank you so much! :D This was probably one of the most difficult stories that I've written, especially keeping "old" Rodney in character while trying to obscure his identity, and I'm delighted that you liked it. :)

New SGA fic: Ghost in the Machine

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INCREDIBLE STORY

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Ghost in the Machine

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Ghost in the machine

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