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Torchwood ficlet for Cliche Bingo
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cupidsbow for looking this over for canon compliance and character voice. :) Torchwood ficlet for the ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
cliche_bingo square "Magical healing cock". ~450 words, late season 2; nothing more risqué than innuendo.
"Oh, it does not."
Owen's sharp, scornful remark was the first thing Gwen heard as she stepped into the Hub.
"Is it really that far out of the question?" Tosh answered, somewhere out of sight as Gwen sealed the airlock behind her. "I mean, consider who we're dealing with," she added, softly enough that Gwen could barely hear her.
Owen snorted. "It's ludicrous and impossible," he said, as he came into Gwen's view, apparently focused on a computer screen but speaking over his shoulder to Tosh. "Of course, Ianto could probably tell us."
Gwen stepped around the corner in time to see the smug look that Ianto shot in Owen's direction. "Haven't called in sick to work since I've been here, have I?"
"Did I ask?"
"What's going on?" Gwen asked, and four pairs of eyes turned from their various workstations to her.
"Jack would like us to believe that his penis quite literally has miraculous healing properties," Owen said, in a tone heavy with sarcasm.
Jack looked slightly hurt. "It does."
"Oh please. That's the most ridiculous chat-up line in the history of bad chat-up lines."
Coffee, Gwen thought. A good shot of caffeine could probably make sense of this. Possibly. Maybe. She took a deep swig from the cup she'd picked up from a sidewalk vendor on the Plass.
"Is it really any stranger than some of the things we've seen?" Tosh asked quietly.
"Yes," Owen said promptly.
"Oh really?" Ianto inquired. "Look who's talking. You are a walking impossibility."
"We weren't talking about me!"
Hmm, the coffee was not helping much. Perhaps a nice hot cup of tea ...
"Gwen might have some firsthand insight into the alleged existence of this magical healing penis," Owen said, and suddenly, once again, all eyes were focused on her. Jack might have been smiling a bit.
"What?" When she had finished choking on her latte, Gwen said, somewhat loudly, "I'm going to walk out and come back in again, and we'll start this day over and pretend this conversation never happened."
"Thank you, yes," Ianto said.
"Look," Jack said, "I would be happy to show any of you --" and that was the last thing Gwen heard before the airlock mercifully sealed shut behind her.
She bonked her forehead lightly against the wall for a minute, and wondered if she'd go to hell for wishing for a convenient catastrophe to take everyone's mind off Jack's sex life. At least to the extent that anyone's mind was ever far from Jack's sex life.
Magic healing cock, indeed.
Though a small part of her -- a purely intellectual part, she told herself firmly -- did have to wonder about it.
cupidsbow for looking this over for canon compliance and character voice. :) Torchwood ficlet for the cliche_bingo square "Magical healing cock". ~450 words, late season 2; nothing more risqué than innuendo."Oh, it does not."
Owen's sharp, scornful remark was the first thing Gwen heard as she stepped into the Hub.
"Is it really that far out of the question?" Tosh answered, somewhere out of sight as Gwen sealed the airlock behind her. "I mean, consider who we're dealing with," she added, softly enough that Gwen could barely hear her.
Owen snorted. "It's ludicrous and impossible," he said, as he came into Gwen's view, apparently focused on a computer screen but speaking over his shoulder to Tosh. "Of course, Ianto could probably tell us."
Gwen stepped around the corner in time to see the smug look that Ianto shot in Owen's direction. "Haven't called in sick to work since I've been here, have I?"
"Did I ask?"
"What's going on?" Gwen asked, and four pairs of eyes turned from their various workstations to her.
"Jack would like us to believe that his penis quite literally has miraculous healing properties," Owen said, in a tone heavy with sarcasm.
Jack looked slightly hurt. "It does."
"Oh please. That's the most ridiculous chat-up line in the history of bad chat-up lines."
Coffee, Gwen thought. A good shot of caffeine could probably make sense of this. Possibly. Maybe. She took a deep swig from the cup she'd picked up from a sidewalk vendor on the Plass.
"Is it really any stranger than some of the things we've seen?" Tosh asked quietly.
"Yes," Owen said promptly.
"Oh really?" Ianto inquired. "Look who's talking. You are a walking impossibility."
"We weren't talking about me!"
Hmm, the coffee was not helping much. Perhaps a nice hot cup of tea ...
"Gwen might have some firsthand insight into the alleged existence of this magical healing penis," Owen said, and suddenly, once again, all eyes were focused on her. Jack might have been smiling a bit.
"What?" When she had finished choking on her latte, Gwen said, somewhat loudly, "I'm going to walk out and come back in again, and we'll start this day over and pretend this conversation never happened."
"Thank you, yes," Ianto said.
"Look," Jack said, "I would be happy to show any of you --" and that was the last thing Gwen heard before the airlock mercifully sealed shut behind her.
She bonked her forehead lightly against the wall for a minute, and wondered if she'd go to hell for wishing for a convenient catastrophe to take everyone's mind off Jack's sex life. At least to the extent that anyone's mind was ever far from Jack's sex life.
Magic healing cock, indeed.
Though a small part of her -- a purely intellectual part, she told herself firmly -- did have to wonder about it.
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Okay, I've been dying to see what you would come up for this one, and it doesn't disappoint! I can so see Jack trying to convince his team (or captains from ye olden days... or aliens... or random passersby) of his, sexual *cough* prowess.
Poor Gwen. I think that's the reaction that I'd have too! *g*
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I had been dithering on various amusingly literal interpretations of this prompt, but it seemed like a prompt that was tailor-made for Jack Harkness if anything ever was!
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Jack. So ridiculous. Yet still so oddly charming. Also, I love Gwen in this.
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Oh, the poor things. I love your take on them! ♥
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That is a truly wonderful take on that prompt. Hee!
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But the mere idea what just too intriguing to resist and the result is hilarious. (honestly the repressed laughter has made me have to retype these few sentences several times - coz the typos made them incomprehensible).
That really has made my day! Cheers!
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I never write Torchwood ... so I'm very happy that you liked it! :D
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It made me laugh lots.
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