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Vorkosiganage
Reading Memory now, about 2/3 of the way through, and I think I know why I didn't like this book all that much the first time I read it -- well, aside from the obvious reasons (that I wanted more action and more of certain characters than this book delivers, which isn't bothering me at all this time around, now that my expectations for the series are less narrow).
But it's not just that. I'm fairly sure that at the age of 20 or 21, which was about how old I was when I read it the first time, I simply couldn't relate! The book's whole theme has to do with aging and changing, with being at the top of your game and then being betrayed by your own body and forced to reinvent yourself because you can't go your whole life living like you're 25, and ... I'm pretty sure that I simply didn't have enough life experience yet to get it. Over the last decade or so, though, that's become one of the things that's on my mind a lot, and therefore one of the themes that I'm most interested in reading and writing about. I agree with those on my flist who've said that this is one of the strongest books in the series, but I don't think it was a book I would've been able to enjoy to its fullest at age 20 no matter what. But now -- yes!
But it's not just that. I'm fairly sure that at the age of 20 or 21, which was about how old I was when I read it the first time, I simply couldn't relate! The book's whole theme has to do with aging and changing, with being at the top of your game and then being betrayed by your own body and forced to reinvent yourself because you can't go your whole life living like you're 25, and ... I'm pretty sure that I simply didn't have enough life experience yet to get it. Over the last decade or so, though, that's become one of the things that's on my mind a lot, and therefore one of the themes that I'm most interested in reading and writing about. I agree with those on my flist who've said that this is one of the strongest books in the series, but I don't think it was a book I would've been able to enjoy to its fullest at age 20 no matter what. But now -- yes!
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I suspect it's not even necessarily a matter of age, more like where a person is in their life trajectory. At age 20 I had a certain set of problems and preoccupations having to do with what was happening in my life at the time, and now at age 35 I have a different set ... which seems to be dovetailing with a different set of Vorkosigan characters than the ones I'd empathized with when I read the books the first time.
I hope my above post doesn't come across all "YOUNG PEOPLE CAN'T UNDERSTAND THIS" because I think, well, first of all that's not true, and second it's kind of an asshole thing to say. XD But I do think that in my case, life experience correlated with a shift in perception that made me appreciate the book on a whole new level.
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I've definitely experienced both sorts of books, both the "I should have read this book when I was a kid" and the "I probably need to come back to this book when I'm older" sort. Although the latter sort is rather difficult to identify! It's too easy to say, "I don't like this book," and put it away forever and just assume for the rest of your life that it's not your kind of book.
(one of the few books that I successfully identified as a book to come back to was Pride & Prejudice, but I'm quite sure that if it weren't such a famous book I would have just been like, "welp, that's a boring book, let me never think about it again," instead of being like, "I AM GOING TO LIKE THIS BOOK IF IT KILLS ME.")
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*nods* Yeah, I totally agree with this! I guess that it's much easier to remember what it was like to be you at a point in your life that's already passed, than to anticipate where you might be at some random point in the future. I expect that there are probably a lot of books that I've rejected but might in fact have quite enjoyed if I'd read them at a very different time in my life than I did, but I rarely manage to guess which books those might have been ... And there are always so many new books to read that there's not a lot of incentive to go back and revisit books that I'd previous dismissed as boring, tasteless or simply not my kind of thing.
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One of the things that made Memory work so well for me - and I'm trying to figure out if it's something in how it was written, or just in how I relate to it? - is that while I love the Dendarii, and found Admiral Naismith incredibly entertaining, I love Barrayar and its people even more. So while Miles having to give up Naismith hurts in this beautifully affecting way, it would've absolutely broken my heart if he'd chosen that over being Lord Vorkosigan. And Auditor is so the job he was born for! I think that's what makes it so satisfying to read as an adult, in that stage of life, because Miles has to let go of some of his youthful joys, but what he gets instead is just as good or better, though different...
(The different ways of relating dependent on age/stage in life is a fascinating aspect of fiction, I've found! I still greatly enjoy a lot of kid's fiction, but I often find while watching/reading it that I'm much more attuned to the adults in it than I once might have been. Kids will be having their adventures, and I'll be wondering what their poor parents are thinking. The interesting thing is that most kids' stuff is still written by adults, and so the adult characters often are quite relatable, even when only vaguely sketched out...)
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So while Miles having to give up Naismith hurts in this beautifully affecting way, it would've absolutely broken my heart if he'd chosen that over being Lord Vorkosigan.
I don't think it could have gone any other way, because his family is there! And one of the ongoing themes with these books, it seems to me, is the importance of family -- you might not always want them to be there, but they still will be. *g*
Of course, it wouldn't have been an affecting choice if it hadn't been a real choice -- there had to be something very real and meaningful that he was giving up. I'm still not quite done with the book (though I remember enough about the ending not to worry about being spoiled) but I'm fascinated with the way that Miles had poured all his positive qualities -- what he considered his positive qualities -- into his Naismith persona, leaving nothing for Lord Vorkosigan to be but a bland, dry Vor lord. And what he has to figure out how to do is put aside his childish toys while still carrying forward the parts of himself that he wants to keep from that era.
Barrayar is a wonderful creation, and I wonder if in some ways books like "Memory" are LMB herself making peace with the world she made! The early books are all about characters fleeing from it -- young, female, young and female -- and looking for opportunities in the wider universe that their homeworld can't offer them. Barrayar is a stultifying place to be an intelligent young person, or a woman. Except ... it isn't really, and lots of people seem to do just fine. I wonder if, as LMB grows older, the fantasy appeal of running away from your repressively conservative homeworld to seek your fortune in the more cosmopolitan galaxy is being overwhelmed by the fantasy appeal of having a home and family to come back to when you're done adventuring ...
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The first time I came across this series I was in high school, and I've been completely engrossed from page one. In point of fact, it's this series that I compare most of the new fiction (that i'm trying to read) to. Actually, I think Lois spoiled me, because most of the 'new' fiction i've come across lately doesn't have anywhere near the same level of skill in character development, world building or plot development, that she manages. (Not only in the series as a whole, but even down to her individual books.) *now that I think about it, most of the new (published) fiction that i've tried to read recently, has been either a) badly written, or b) written in 1st person perspective, which I've always had issues with.*
But, I digress...back to the original idea: as xparrot and others have touched on, I find that certain books in the series resonate with me more, or less, depending on the book, and where I am at certain points in my life. Memory, in particular, has always been one of my favorites. I've found that I enjoy it more upon subsequent readings, and as i've reread it over the years, I seem to pull new, or different aspects or interpretations from the story with each subsequent read.
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I love books that are complex enough that you can get different things out of them when you read them at different times in your life. When I read the series the first time, I found the later books in the series rather dull. Now I appreciate them on levels that I never could when I was at that particular point in my life. And I absolutely loved "Memory" on the reread; I agree with those who've said that it's one of the best books in the series.
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But really, so much of the joy I'm getting out of this series is the way all the chars, and Miles especially, grows and changes.
I mean, we've seen him over 40 years now! And I think she does a brilliant job of realistically aging him and having his struggles be very age-relevant. And yeah, I can totally see how, myself, I don't know if I could have enjoyed the later books the same way I did if I had read them when I was younger.
...also, I liked reading them now when I had SO MANY of them to read all at once! ^_-
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Oh yes, I love this, and it's something that I not only didn't notice before, but it hadn't really become a thing when I read the series the first time (since, at the time I marathoned the early books, "Mirror Dance" was the most current one).
But the books really start to come into their own as they move the characters forward through time -- as various characters change careers, fall in love, have kids, and generally live their lives. And I love that they're not all following the same life trajectory, either. Some of them leave; some of them stay home; some of them don't have kids, some don't get married ... It's not just that she gives everybody the same future, but she comes up with something a little bit different and interesting for each character.
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It resonated with me on a somewhat different level, as well, though, and that may be more accessible across the board: as a reaction against the many heroes who can always have it all, and the trope that not giving up on having it all is the only "correct" option.
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Oh, I think that's also an excellent way to look at it!
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