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Whumptober Day 27: Surgical Scars [Murderbot]
The post-October Whumptober catchup continues, with more of the ones I wrote last month, but wasn't sure about.
No. 27: “Would you even want me, looking like a zombie?”
Surgical Scars | X-Ray | Bedside Vigil
Murderbot TV, Gurathin & Bharadwaj gen, 800 wds
Also on Tumblr
"The station medsystem could probably do something about that," Bharadwaj said.
Gurathin looked up from rubbing lotion into the spiderweb of scars on his knee. There weren't very many people he would be able to bring himself to do this around. Maybe Ratthi. Definitely not Ayda. He knew that for Preservation natives, this was normal behavior that no one thought twice about. To him, it felt terribly -- revealing? Embarrassing? Some unpleasant emotion he didn't have a good name for.
But it was just the two of them, him and Bharadwaj, in his living quarters on the station. He had asked her if she minded, she said she didn't, and with her, that was enough.
Now he was thinking that maybe he should have been a little more modest, because Bharadwaj was looking at his scarred knee with a pinched, unhappy expression that was unlike her. So unlike her, in fact, that it took him a minute to read guilt into it, and realize that she wasn't just sad because he'd been hurt. As the person who had done the surgery on him during the survey, she thought the scars were her fault.
"It's fine," he said. "I mean, I can see the station medsys if you like, but it's pretty well healed up now, and it's not like my knees were ever anything great to look at anyway."
"Gura, don't say that." Now she looked even sadder. "Does it hurt?"
"Not much." Sort of true. It ached, and he could feel it pulling in strange ways when he moved, but the last thing he wanted was to increase her burden of guilt. "You did great with it, really. No one could have done better."
She smiled a little at that, at least.
"What about you?" he asked, and she looked startled. "Your, I mean ... where the ..." And he touched his side to indicate. Bharadwaj's mouth shaped a faint 'o' of understanding. "This stuff is pretty good. It helps loosen up the scars."
"I ... I don't know," Bharadwaj demurred, suddenly uncomfortable now that his attention was on her. With most people, he wouldn't have minded turning the spotlight off himself (see how you like it!) but ... not Bharadwaj. He just felt bad about it now, too. And he wondered if some of her insistence on him going to the station medsystem was because she didn't want to herself, and possibly for similar reasons.
"Can I see?" he asked quietly.
She lifted her shirt without speaking, exposing her ribs and one side of a practical dark-colored bra. The scars from the bites were long pale strings of dots, ragged here and there where its teeth had torn out of her flesh. Somehow, he hadn't expected it to look ... like that. The scars on his knee, at least, was more clinical, less -- organic, obviously made by a living creature's teeth.
"I can't really reach my back," she said, and he realized he was holding the jar of ointment, like she could do anything with it.
"Do you mind if I ...?"
"No, go ahead."
He moved closer to her on the couch. Hesitantly at first, then with more confidence from having done his own scars often enough, he rubbed the lotion into her skin. The scars were strangely ridged under his fingers, different from his.
"Now we'll both smell like one of Ratthi's shirts," he said, and Bharadwaj laughed a little. The lotion was actually medical and not just herbal (he'd checked on that), but it was scented with Preservation herbs, and it did smell like something Ratthi would put on for fun.
When he finished, rubbing a long stroke across her side, Bharadwaj gave a little sigh and let her shirt fall. She leaned back against him, her hair tickling his nose. She smelled like her herbal shampoo, a light floral scent. One of the smells of home.
"Do you want to watch another episode?" she asked.
"Oh, sure, why not."
They were watching Sanctuary Moon. The whole team was. Gurathin found himself recognizing bits and pieces as they went along, flashes of familiarity tied to SecUnit's memories; they were scenes that SecUnit had had strong reactions to. It felt weird and intrusive to know that about it, and at least seeing the scenes in context, helpfully framed with poor plot choices and bad acting, made the random memory-flashes less weird and obvious.
Also, he was getting stupidly invested in some of the storylines. The show was dumb, but it was addictive, and the company was good.
"Want some more popcorn?" he asked, and when she nodded, he went into the attached kitchenette and gestured to bring up the episode on the display screen on the wall of the main room.
In the team feed, Bharadwaj sent out a message, We're about to watch episode 329.
A string of excited emoji from Ratthi. I can't wait to find out what you guys think when they open the vault on the abandoned ship!
Spoilers!! Bharadwaj sent back, and there were some laughing emoji from Arada.
Gurathin smiled to himself and took out the popcorn while the theme music played. He was even starting to like that dumb, catchy song.
No. 27: “Would you even want me, looking like a zombie?”
Surgical Scars | X-Ray | Bedside Vigil
Murderbot TV, Gurathin & Bharadwaj gen, 800 wds
Also on Tumblr
"The station medsystem could probably do something about that," Bharadwaj said.
Gurathin looked up from rubbing lotion into the spiderweb of scars on his knee. There weren't very many people he would be able to bring himself to do this around. Maybe Ratthi. Definitely not Ayda. He knew that for Preservation natives, this was normal behavior that no one thought twice about. To him, it felt terribly -- revealing? Embarrassing? Some unpleasant emotion he didn't have a good name for.
But it was just the two of them, him and Bharadwaj, in his living quarters on the station. He had asked her if she minded, she said she didn't, and with her, that was enough.
Now he was thinking that maybe he should have been a little more modest, because Bharadwaj was looking at his scarred knee with a pinched, unhappy expression that was unlike her. So unlike her, in fact, that it took him a minute to read guilt into it, and realize that she wasn't just sad because he'd been hurt. As the person who had done the surgery on him during the survey, she thought the scars were her fault.
"It's fine," he said. "I mean, I can see the station medsys if you like, but it's pretty well healed up now, and it's not like my knees were ever anything great to look at anyway."
"Gura, don't say that." Now she looked even sadder. "Does it hurt?"
"Not much." Sort of true. It ached, and he could feel it pulling in strange ways when he moved, but the last thing he wanted was to increase her burden of guilt. "You did great with it, really. No one could have done better."
She smiled a little at that, at least.
"What about you?" he asked, and she looked startled. "Your, I mean ... where the ..." And he touched his side to indicate. Bharadwaj's mouth shaped a faint 'o' of understanding. "This stuff is pretty good. It helps loosen up the scars."
"I ... I don't know," Bharadwaj demurred, suddenly uncomfortable now that his attention was on her. With most people, he wouldn't have minded turning the spotlight off himself (see how you like it!) but ... not Bharadwaj. He just felt bad about it now, too. And he wondered if some of her insistence on him going to the station medsystem was because she didn't want to herself, and possibly for similar reasons.
"Can I see?" he asked quietly.
She lifted her shirt without speaking, exposing her ribs and one side of a practical dark-colored bra. The scars from the bites were long pale strings of dots, ragged here and there where its teeth had torn out of her flesh. Somehow, he hadn't expected it to look ... like that. The scars on his knee, at least, was more clinical, less -- organic, obviously made by a living creature's teeth.
"I can't really reach my back," she said, and he realized he was holding the jar of ointment, like she could do anything with it.
"Do you mind if I ...?"
"No, go ahead."
He moved closer to her on the couch. Hesitantly at first, then with more confidence from having done his own scars often enough, he rubbed the lotion into her skin. The scars were strangely ridged under his fingers, different from his.
"Now we'll both smell like one of Ratthi's shirts," he said, and Bharadwaj laughed a little. The lotion was actually medical and not just herbal (he'd checked on that), but it was scented with Preservation herbs, and it did smell like something Ratthi would put on for fun.
When he finished, rubbing a long stroke across her side, Bharadwaj gave a little sigh and let her shirt fall. She leaned back against him, her hair tickling his nose. She smelled like her herbal shampoo, a light floral scent. One of the smells of home.
"Do you want to watch another episode?" she asked.
"Oh, sure, why not."
They were watching Sanctuary Moon. The whole team was. Gurathin found himself recognizing bits and pieces as they went along, flashes of familiarity tied to SecUnit's memories; they were scenes that SecUnit had had strong reactions to. It felt weird and intrusive to know that about it, and at least seeing the scenes in context, helpfully framed with poor plot choices and bad acting, made the random memory-flashes less weird and obvious.
Also, he was getting stupidly invested in some of the storylines. The show was dumb, but it was addictive, and the company was good.
"Want some more popcorn?" he asked, and when she nodded, he went into the attached kitchenette and gestured to bring up the episode on the display screen on the wall of the main room.
In the team feed, Bharadwaj sent out a message, We're about to watch episode 329.
A string of excited emoji from Ratthi. I can't wait to find out what you guys think when they open the vault on the abandoned ship!
Spoilers!! Bharadwaj sent back, and there were some laughing emoji from Arada.
Gurathin smiled to himself and took out the popcorn while the theme music played. He was even starting to like that dumb, catchy song.
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I love this snapshot of their friendship. (Plus intrusively addictive Sanctuary Moon.)
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