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Snape on a trampoline!
... a.k.a. the answers to the character meme. If you want to guess before looking at the answers, you can go here.
The answer key:
1. Sam the whale from Echoes (SGA)
2. Dean Winchester (SPN)
3. Teyla Emmagan (SGA)
4. Todd the Wraith (SGA)
5. Snape (Harry Potter)
6. Teal'c (SG1)
7. Abby Sciuto (NCIS)
8. Dory (Finding Nemo)
9. Jayne (Firefly)
10. Rodney McKay (SGA)
11. Ziva David (NCIS)
12. Darth Vader (Star Wars)
13. Gene Hunt (Life on Mars)
14. Kaylee (Firefly)
15. Death (Sandman)
Ok, if Gene Hunt had to wine & dine Rodney McKay...
The only circumstances under which I could imagine Gene possibly doing this would be if he needed to get vital information out of Rodney for a case and couldn't think of any other way, but he only lasts for about ten minutes before he decides that no amount of information could possibly be worth this, punches Rodney in the mouth and leaves him with the check. Rodney is last seen yelling at Gene and threatening to sue.
If Jayne was in a cage match with Sam the Whale, and Teal'c and Abby Sciuto were there to help, who would help whom and which team would win?
*dies* (The sad thing is, Jayne would totally attempt this.)
Abby immediately decides to help Jayne, and Teal'c referees (after trying to talk Jayne out of it), because Sam doesn't really need any help. Jayne is completely enthusiastic and flings himself at the whale. Abby is bouncing with delight and cheering on Jayne; this is the best thing she's ever seen. After Jayne has been going at Sam for a while, though, Sam is starting to get mildly annoyed and this might become dangerous, so Teal'c (who, up to this point, has been watching with amusement and not really interfering) stuns both Sam and Jayne and separates them. Abby is a bit put out, but Teal'c takes her to lunch to make up for spoiling her fun.
If Teal'c and Darth Vader ran into each other buying shoes, where would they be?
They both shop at the Stormtrooper Discount Outlet, and admire each others' taste in footwear. Teal'c asks for Darth Vader's autograph because Teal'c has always been a fan of Darth's film appearances, but then, sadly, has to shoot him when Darth tries to conquer the store.
If Rodney McKay caught Dory the fish cheating with Teyla Emmagan on Jayne, would Rodney McKay tell Jayne?
... this may cause Rodney's brain to completely snap.
Assuming that Rodney isn't rocking back and forth in the corner after becoming fully aware of the situation, Rodney concludes that it can't possibly be Teyla's fault because Teyla would never be party to such a thing, and is furious at both Dory and Jayne for getting Teyla involved in the first place.
What does Snape do when someone offers him/her/it a live chicken?
Snape is very pleased, though not enough to admit being pleased, of course. Chickens are very useful for all kinds of purposes! Snape tucks the chicken under one arm and stalks off with it. People stare, but frankly, considering some of the things they've seen around here, this is far from the oddest, and no one is about to call him on it.
Caught outside in a rain of newts, what does Abby Sciuto say?
Abby squeals in glee and collects a bucket of newts to show her friends. Newts make clever little pets and she plans on keeping them in the lab if Gibbs will let her.
Alright if Sam the whale and Kaylee were to go on a date, who be the one most nervous about it?
Definitely Kaylee. Kaylee clearly must have lost a bet, or else her friends set her up on a blind date (and are snickering behind her back). However, it turns out to be quite fun, and Kaylee is delighted with the whole experience. She wants to take Sam home and keep him, but there's a fairly strict "no pets on the spaceship" policy, even though she keeps insisting he's not really a pet.
If Teyla and Teal'c were on stakeout what would they talk about?
Teyla and Teal'c have a great deal in common and get along wonderfully. They share their experiences at being outsiders among their adopted people, and share stories of their struggles against their alien oppressors, then begin swapping fighting tips. They part with a promise to stay in touch.
If Death, Darth Vader, Abby and Dean were to rob a bank, who would be the leader, who would be the getaway driver, and who would freak out about the fact that they robbed a bank in the first place?
Oh dear. Okay, only two of them can even drive, so it has to be one of those two, and Abby is the one who's busy freaking out over the robbery, so Dean ends up being the driver, even though Dean probably has more bank robbery experience than all the rest of them put together (and doesn't have a legal driver's license, either, at least not in his own name). Darth Vader is determined to be the leader and no one wants to argue with him, so they let him make the plans even though his plans, not to put too fine a point on it, suck. Death just sits back and waits for the shooting to stop, since that's the point where her special skills will come in handy. This is probably Death's whole reason for being along in the first place, since she doesn't use or want money.
If Todd the Wraith and Ziva David were locked in a room together, who would be the one to figure out how to get them out?
At first Ziva is a bit freaked out by her companion and tries to kill him, but once Todd gets Ziva calmed down, they clash over technique. Ziva is all for breaking down the door; Todd favors a more subtle approach. Eventually Todd turns out to have a clever lock-picking device hidden in his coat, Ziva snaps at him for not mentioning it in the first place, and they're on their way.
If Sam the Whale, Abby Sciuto, and Death were stripped to their underwear and trapped in a room, filling slowly with water and all they had between then was a stirring straw, a pebble and a piece of yarn... how the heck would they get out?
Sam and Death don't actually consider this a problem, so they aren't very helpful. Abby realizes that as the room fills with water, the pressure will eventually burst open the door, so she waits until the door bursts open and swims out. The water drains out of the room, and Abby realizes that Sam will die on dry land, so she figures out a way to get him to the ocean and sets him free. Death is a bit surprised that there were no souls to collect on this particular trip, but hey, maybe next time, and it was definitely entertaining.
Teyla Emmagan and Darth Vader were both turned into the opposite sex... are they both males now? Both females now? One male and one female?
That would be cheating to tell. *g* But in Darth Vader's case, it takes a long time for anyone to notice. Those underlings who suspect something has changed are too terrified to mention it. Meanwhile, Teyla decides to embrace it as a learning experience, though Kanaan is very disturbed by all of this.
Snape, Jayne, Todd the Wraith and Gene Hunt are all standing in the gallows with their necks in nooses. Sam the Whale has been told to choose one of them to die. Who are they and which will one choose?
Sadly, Sam is entirely unable to communicate his choice (though he tries desperately, and gives them all massive headaches and nosebleeds). While the hangman keels over with ruptured eardrums, Snape turns the nooses to a shower of petunias and Todd, Jayne and Gene team up for a good old-fashioned jailbreak. (They would have asked Snape to come along, but he seems to have mysteriously disappeared.)
Dean Winchester, Abby Sciuto and Gene Hunt are trapped in a labyrinth with a Wraith, a polar bear and Darth Vader armed with a banana. What three magical items do they find and how do they get out?
Dean and Gene, between them, quickly wipe out their enemies. Finally, when the smoke clears from the shooting, they pay attention to Abby, who has been telling them all along that everyone knows there are a dozen simple algorithms for finding your way out of a maze, and procedes to draw a simple diagram on the floor with a stick -- which neither of the other two understand, but it sounds like she knows what she's talking about, so they follow her (Gene with some grumbling and some wisecracks about women doing math; the other two ignore him). Sure enough, Abby leads them out, and while they're walking along in the maze Dean and Abby are totally cracking up about being in a Dungeons and Dragons game come to life. (Gene has no idea what they're talking about and is very annoyed.) Once they're out, Dean and Abby exchange phone numbers and email addresses, and promise to meet up the next time Dean is in town.
Snape, Ziva David and Kaylee are beamed onto a space ship. Who's flying it and do they join the crew?
The spaceship is being flown by ... River and Mal! Kaylee is delighted to be home. Ziva decides to stay with the Serenity for a while; it looks interesting and she lost her old job anyway, but eventually she decides that she wants to go home and find her friends. Snape stays for a little while as well, but everyone hates him (even on the Serenity, he's considered anti-social) and eventually he developes a spell to conjur a spaceship of his own and leaves for a new calling as a space pirate.
Dory and Todd the Wraith end up in an elevator together that turns into a time machine. When and where to they end up, what is Sam the Whale doing there, and what do they do next?
They end up on a small island in the middle of the ocean, where Sam is swimming along the shore and Dory happily joins him. Todd spends a little time tinkering with the time machine until he can get it to go wherever and whenever he wants; delighted and already plotting his galactic domination, he goes home, leaving Dory stranded (but apparently happy, since she can't remember what she was doing there in the first place).
Teal'c and Rodney McKay have sex and somehow Dory ends up pregnant with their baby. What does Darth Vader think about this and what exactly happened?
No one can figure out WHAT happened, least of all Darth Vader, who really doesn't care. All of Teal'c and Rodney's friends are completely shocked (by the relationship as well as the baby) but try to be supportive. The pregnancy will very likely end in tragedy for Dory, but fortunately Teal'c and Rodney, between them, are able to find and activate an alien device that saves the day.
Death wakes up in bed with Teyla Emmagan and neither knows how they got there (plus, it's Abby Sciuto's bed). How crazy is the morning after?
Not very crazy at all, actually! Teyla and Death are both pretty mellow about it, but agree that a relationship is probably not a good idea. (Teyla is seeing someone else, and Death's job would probably come between them.) Abby is pretty much okay with finding two hot women in her bed, but sad that they have to leave so soon.
Sam the Whale, Abby Sciuto & Darth Vader are in a beauty contest. Who wins the bikini contest, and what are their talents in the talent show?
OH DEAR. Well, Sam isn't even in the running for the bikini contest because no one can find a bikini that will fit him. Darth Vader wins the bikini contest because none of the judges will give him less than a perfect ten even though he's not wearing a bikini either. (Abby is very upset, since she's quite proud of her figure in her little Goth bikini.) For the talent show, Sam stands up on his tail and balances a Winnebago on his nose, Abby sings and dances, and Darth Vader tries to sing and dance, utterly fails at it, and kills all the judges in a pre-emptive strike. Then Sam loses his balance and falls over, Winnebago and all, on Darth Vader, completely flattening him. Abby wins by default.
Dean Winchester, Snape & Rodney McKay find a kitten. What happens? (Everything is better with kittens!)
They all fall in love with the kitten at first sight, but only Rodney isn't too macho to admit it, plus Rodney already has all of the necessary cat-keeping supplies anyway, so Rodney gets the kitten and the others are sad.
Teal'c takes Gene Hunt to see their parents (or closest equivalent). Do they make it to desert?
Both Teal'c and Gene's parents are dead, but Teal'c wants Bra'tac's approval so he takes Gene to meet him. Bra'tac promptly puts Gene through a five-day obstacle and survival course to prove his worthiness to woo Teal'c. Gene turns out to be surprisingly good at this, is awarded an honorary rank in the military, and they go off to save the galaxy together. No one suggests anything so foofy as dessert. *g*
Todd the Wraith does Ziva David's laundry. How does this bring about the end of the world?
Todd is completely fascinated by undergarments, which his people do not use, and makes the mistake of asking Ziva to demonstrate the function of a particularly small and lacy specimen. Ziva decides that she really should have killed him when they were locked up together (see locked room question, a few questions up), and tries to do so, at which point he unleashes his galactic domination fleet on the Earth. Oops.
Teyla Emmagan, Dory, Jayne, Kaylee & Death are at a sleepover party. Who does whose hair? Who instigates the prank, and who is the victim? (Bonus - what prank do they pull?) Who tells scary stories, and who freaks out about them?
Jayne really cannot believe that he got roped into this, especially when Teyla and Kaylee team up to glue his fingers to his gun. After Jayne has stomped off in disgust to find some solvent, to the ringing sound of girlish laughter, Teyla, Kaylee and Death all get together to do each other's hair. Dory wants very badly to join in, but she has no hair. Or hands. But the others feel sorry for her and set her little cup of water in the middle of their circle when they start telling ghost stories. Death has the very best scary stories, most of them involving her family, and she swears they're all absolutely true.
Teyla and Dory the fish go to Disneyworld. And run into Ziva David. Who freaks out on a ride? Who wins the biggest stuff animal and who hangs out with Micky Mouse?
Everyone assumes that Dory actually is a prize that Teyla won. After hearing it enough times, Dory starts to think so herself. Ziva and Teyla both agree that the rides are very dull compared to the sort of things they're used to, and Teyla comments that, from what she's heard, she always thought Ferris wheels would be much more interesting! The first time Mickey showed up, both Teyla and Ziva attacked him -- Teyla thought he was an aggressive local animal, while Ziva just thought he was creepy. Both of them totally sweep all the games (Ziva excels at the sharpshooter games, while Teyla wins all the throwing games easily) and Teyla ends up going home with a huge armload of stuffed animals. (Ziva doesn't want them, and Teyla has someone to take them home to.) Since no one is quite sure where Dory came from, Ziva takes her home and puts her in a fishbowl on her desk, and glares at anyone who asks.
Dean, Abby and Jayne go to a bar and run into Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise and Britney Spears. Who hangs out with who and what do they talk about?
Jayne immediately goes into orbit around Britney, who finds him weird and creepy. Dean claims not to be interested, but keeps checking her out and eventually goes over to get her autograph "for my little brother". Meanwhile Jayne keeps buying her drinks in the hopes of getting lucky, even though he has no clue that she's famous at all. Abby spends a very happy evening chatting with Brad and Tom.
Gene and Todd go on a blind date and see Teal'c and Sam. Do they switch dates?
How and what do they talk about?
Teal'c is having a monologue with Sam, but breaks off immediately when he recognizes Todd and shoots him without asking questions. Gene is a little startled, but very glad to be rid of his very strange date, who had been eyeing his chest in a speculative sort of way. Teal'c and Gene go off together, chatting about guns, and despite their seemingly insurmountable differences, well, things happen. (See Bra'tac question above.) Sam is sad that his new friend left, but the conversation had been pretty one-sided despite Sam's earnest attempts to answer.
Dean, Todd the Wraith, Ziva David and Gene Hunt are forced to go to one of those sexual harassment seminars. a) Why were they made to go in the first place, and b) how many people die as a result?
Well, Gene is there because he totally deserves to be, though he's so far beyond help that he spends most of his time making off-color jokes about the woman teaching the seminar and complaining about how much better the world was back before the 1970s came along and ruined it. Ziva got stuck with the seminar for making sexually suggestive comments to her male coworkers ("They were jokes," she says sullenly), but at least it's not the first harassment seminar she's attended, so she's hoping for something interesting to happen that will get her out of it, like the last time. She amuses herself in the meantime by hitting on Dean, who is there to a) pick up women by proving himself a sensitive guy, and b) to stalk Todd, whom, he tells Ziva very quietly, is probably some kind of ghoul. Ziva decides he's cute, but insane, especially when he opens fire on Todd in the middle of the seminar. Ziva and Gene whip out guns too, but Todd ends up being the only casualty, though there is a lot of property destruction!
Teal'c, Dory, and Jayne find themselves trapped in a Chuck E. Cheese's. What happens, and what does Teyla do to rescue them?
Dory is used for a pizza topping. Teal'c is mostly just amused at these odd Earth customs, while looking for a way out. Jayne takes about 0.2 seconds to completely snap, and by the time Teyla calmly negotiates her way into the Chuck E. Cheese, Jayne has taken the entire staff hostage and has strung up the Chuck E. Cheese mascot for later butchering.
Abby suddenly turns evil (or if originally evil, turns good). What do they do, and why does Snape try and turn them back?
Abby turns out to be a cute, perky, utterly terrifying criminal genius. Her first act is to build a weather control device that will turn all the world's oceans black at the touch of a button. Snape is pretty much okay with this, but reluctantly concedes that since there's a war on, having a mad scientist running around at the same time is probably not a good idea, so he whips up a potion to change her back.
What would the offspring (child or grown) of Dean Winchester and Teal'c be like?
Their offspring would have a well-developed sense of right and wrong, a powerful sense of honor and a sly sense of humor, and be skilled with many kinds of weapons from a young age. He or she would probably also have required either magic or alien technology to be conceived, but luckily, Dean and Teal'c, between them, have plenty of both.
What would Dory hate about Ziva David? Would they eventually get over it and sleep together?
Dory doesn't hate anything about anybody, though Ziva's violent tendencies do puzzle her somewhat. They don't ever sleep together due to utterly incompatible physiology, but Dory ends up living happily in a fishbowl on the edge of Ziva's desk.
Todd the Wraith, Abby Sciuto, Jayne and Gene Hunt are stranded somewhere with no food, and they realize they may have to eat someone. What happens next?
Gene vanishes, and the other two find a mysterious, dead, withered old man wearing Gene's clothes, which utterly baffles them. Abby performs a forensic analysis of the body and determines that it is, in fact, Gene -- at which point Todd comes upon her and asks her what she's doing. This is the last time she's seen; Jayne later finds a withered dead body wearing her clothes. Although there's no way that Todd could have possibly done this, Jayne (who's seen plenty of weird things) decides that it would probably be a good idea to kill him anyway, just in case, and now having plenty of food, he holds out until rescue comes.
How long would a relationship between Kaylee and Ziva David last, who would break it off, and how many people would die as a result?
Kaylee and Ziva have a brief but mutually satisfying affair. Before long Kaylee has to leave (she never did say where she came from) and, though she extends the offer to Ziva to come with her, Ziva chooses her responsibilities to her friends and country. But they part on good terms.
Gene Hunt and Teyla Emmagan are sparring. What sort of weapons would each want to use? Would one be able to defeat the other pretty easily or would it a fair match?
Teyla politely offers Gene his choice of weapons. He laughs at her because a woman couldn't possibly be skilled at any kind of weapon, whereupon she totally kicks his ass with nothing but her bare hands.
Abby Sciuto and Rodney McKay go out on a date. What sort of place would they go to where they both could enjoy themselves?
Abby and Rodney meet at a scientific conference and totally hit it off. They end up hanging out at the nearest coffee bar until it closes, at which point they're both so thoroughly caffeinated that neither one of them can sleep, so they stay up all night talking science, math and computer programming. Abby wonders about some of Rodney's odd, evasive answers, though, and some of his math doesn't make any sense, though he claims that it's just a new way of describing space-time.
Teal'c, Dory and Jayne meet in a bar after work. What sort things do they talk about?
Dory chatters about everything that comes into her head, until Jayne shuts her up by dropping her in a glass of beer. Jayne and Teal'c discuss fighting techniques, but Teal'c quickly realizes that Jayne is not the sharpest knife in the drawer, and leaves to find better conversation.
Dory, Rodney McKay, and Abby Sciuto are stranded on a desert island. Who is the first to be eaten? Whose idea was it?
Sadly, Dory is eaten almost immediately by mutual agreement between Abby and Rodney.
Sam the Whale gets to pick a superpower for Snape. What is it? Why does Sam the Whale choose it?
Sam chooses the superpower "can talk to marine organisms". Snape does not want this superpower, at all, but considers it just another small humiliation in the giant cosmic joke that is his life.
Gene Hunt, Teyla Emmagan, and Todd the Wraith find themselves in the same workplace. What kind of job(s) do they have and who is the most successful? Who gets fired?
They're all bodyguards for hire. Teyla is quiet and deadly and very easy to work with; she's very popular with clients. Gene is very effective at what he does, but has a tendency to fight with the people he's supposed to be protecting. Todd is also good at what he does -- he's incredibly intimidating -- but he's fired after a consistent pattern emerges of his clients having mysterious "accidents".
Dean Winchester and Jayne get married. Does it work out? What are the kids like?
It works out surprisingly well. They aren't together very often, as they both travel extensively, but they meet up occasionally for hot and torrid trysts, no questions asked and no strings attached. The kids, though ... don't ask about the kids. Just ... don't ask. *g*
Todd & Ziva have a secret (possibly biologically impossible) love-child. Who gets custody?
Ziva demands custody of the (very strange-looking) child because she doesn't trust Todd to raise it, though he claims the baby is perfectly safe with him and he only wants to raise itto destroy the human species to the best of his abilities.
Teal'c gets total amnesia and wakes up with Dean. Does Dean help Teal'c, tell them the truth of who they are, or make up a fake history for nefarious purposes?
Dean can't even really figure out what Teal'c is, let alone what his story might be. He doesn't tell Teal'c who he (Dean) really is, but he does try to help Teal'c regain his memory and find out where he came from.
Kaylee is the villain trying to take over the world, Abby is the superhero trying to stop them. What's the evil plan, and how is it thwarted?
The best nefarious plan that Kaylee -- who does not have a nefarious mind -- can come up with is to steal all the world's supply of kittens. Abby talks her into going into partnership and running a baby animal rescue facility instead. The two live happily ever after, surrounded by kittens and puppies.
If Death and Todd were trapped in a transporter, what would they do?
They have a pleasant chat about death, a subject with which they're both well acquainted. Eventually Death goes on about her rounds (a mere transporter door is no impediment) and Todd jimmies a crystal and escapes.
If Rodney, Teyla, Abby and Kaylee wanted to go on vacation together, where would each one want to go and would they be able to compromise?
Rodney finds vacations brain-meltingly dull and much prefers being at work, but, if pressed, admits that a nice beach resort with a pool and Internet would be okay. Teyla always goes home to New Athos on vacation. Abby wants to find somewhere with a great nightclub scene, and Kaylee is hoping for someplace warm with lots of half-naked hot guys. They could probably all compromise on the beach resort idea, even Abby -- she wouldn't mind lying on a beach in the sun for a while.
What would happen if Dean and Darth Vader were in a fight, either each other or both against a common foe?
Ooh. They would definitely be fighting each other, and this could go either way, really. Dean could probably take Darth Vader if he was able to take a shot from a distance, and especially if he had sufficient time to research Darth Vader's powers and find ways to counter them. If it came to a battle in close quarters, though, Dean is probably doomed.
Jayne and Snape are jumping on a trampoline when Darth Vader decides to join in. Alas, there is only room for two. Does Darth Vader go without, or does he/she knock one of the others if? If so, which one?
Oh god, the visuals! *dies* Darth Vader knocks them both off, because he has no intention of sharing his trampoline with anyone.
Thank you to everyone for playing -- and guessing! I may never get the mental image from that last one out of my head ...
The answer key:
1. Sam the whale from Echoes (SGA)
2. Dean Winchester (SPN)
3. Teyla Emmagan (SGA)
4. Todd the Wraith (SGA)
5. Snape (Harry Potter)
6. Teal'c (SG1)
7. Abby Sciuto (NCIS)
8. Dory (Finding Nemo)
9. Jayne (Firefly)
10. Rodney McKay (SGA)
11. Ziva David (NCIS)
12. Darth Vader (Star Wars)
13. Gene Hunt (Life on Mars)
14. Kaylee (Firefly)
15. Death (Sandman)
Ok, if Gene Hunt had to wine & dine Rodney McKay...
The only circumstances under which I could imagine Gene possibly doing this would be if he needed to get vital information out of Rodney for a case and couldn't think of any other way, but he only lasts for about ten minutes before he decides that no amount of information could possibly be worth this, punches Rodney in the mouth and leaves him with the check. Rodney is last seen yelling at Gene and threatening to sue.
If Jayne was in a cage match with Sam the Whale, and Teal'c and Abby Sciuto were there to help, who would help whom and which team would win?
*dies* (The sad thing is, Jayne would totally attempt this.)
Abby immediately decides to help Jayne, and Teal'c referees (after trying to talk Jayne out of it), because Sam doesn't really need any help. Jayne is completely enthusiastic and flings himself at the whale. Abby is bouncing with delight and cheering on Jayne; this is the best thing she's ever seen. After Jayne has been going at Sam for a while, though, Sam is starting to get mildly annoyed and this might become dangerous, so Teal'c (who, up to this point, has been watching with amusement and not really interfering) stuns both Sam and Jayne and separates them. Abby is a bit put out, but Teal'c takes her to lunch to make up for spoiling her fun.
If Teal'c and Darth Vader ran into each other buying shoes, where would they be?
They both shop at the Stormtrooper Discount Outlet, and admire each others' taste in footwear. Teal'c asks for Darth Vader's autograph because Teal'c has always been a fan of Darth's film appearances, but then, sadly, has to shoot him when Darth tries to conquer the store.
If Rodney McKay caught Dory the fish cheating with Teyla Emmagan on Jayne, would Rodney McKay tell Jayne?
... this may cause Rodney's brain to completely snap.
Assuming that Rodney isn't rocking back and forth in the corner after becoming fully aware of the situation, Rodney concludes that it can't possibly be Teyla's fault because Teyla would never be party to such a thing, and is furious at both Dory and Jayne for getting Teyla involved in the first place.
What does Snape do when someone offers him/her/it a live chicken?
Snape is very pleased, though not enough to admit being pleased, of course. Chickens are very useful for all kinds of purposes! Snape tucks the chicken under one arm and stalks off with it. People stare, but frankly, considering some of the things they've seen around here, this is far from the oddest, and no one is about to call him on it.
Caught outside in a rain of newts, what does Abby Sciuto say?
Abby squeals in glee and collects a bucket of newts to show her friends. Newts make clever little pets and she plans on keeping them in the lab if Gibbs will let her.
Alright if Sam the whale and Kaylee were to go on a date, who be the one most nervous about it?
Definitely Kaylee. Kaylee clearly must have lost a bet, or else her friends set her up on a blind date (and are snickering behind her back). However, it turns out to be quite fun, and Kaylee is delighted with the whole experience. She wants to take Sam home and keep him, but there's a fairly strict "no pets on the spaceship" policy, even though she keeps insisting he's not really a pet.
If Teyla and Teal'c were on stakeout what would they talk about?
Teyla and Teal'c have a great deal in common and get along wonderfully. They share their experiences at being outsiders among their adopted people, and share stories of their struggles against their alien oppressors, then begin swapping fighting tips. They part with a promise to stay in touch.
If Death, Darth Vader, Abby and Dean were to rob a bank, who would be the leader, who would be the getaway driver, and who would freak out about the fact that they robbed a bank in the first place?
Oh dear. Okay, only two of them can even drive, so it has to be one of those two, and Abby is the one who's busy freaking out over the robbery, so Dean ends up being the driver, even though Dean probably has more bank robbery experience than all the rest of them put together (and doesn't have a legal driver's license, either, at least not in his own name). Darth Vader is determined to be the leader and no one wants to argue with him, so they let him make the plans even though his plans, not to put too fine a point on it, suck. Death just sits back and waits for the shooting to stop, since that's the point where her special skills will come in handy. This is probably Death's whole reason for being along in the first place, since she doesn't use or want money.
If Todd the Wraith and Ziva David were locked in a room together, who would be the one to figure out how to get them out?
At first Ziva is a bit freaked out by her companion and tries to kill him, but once Todd gets Ziva calmed down, they clash over technique. Ziva is all for breaking down the door; Todd favors a more subtle approach. Eventually Todd turns out to have a clever lock-picking device hidden in his coat, Ziva snaps at him for not mentioning it in the first place, and they're on their way.
If Sam the Whale, Abby Sciuto, and Death were stripped to their underwear and trapped in a room, filling slowly with water and all they had between then was a stirring straw, a pebble and a piece of yarn... how the heck would they get out?
Sam and Death don't actually consider this a problem, so they aren't very helpful. Abby realizes that as the room fills with water, the pressure will eventually burst open the door, so she waits until the door bursts open and swims out. The water drains out of the room, and Abby realizes that Sam will die on dry land, so she figures out a way to get him to the ocean and sets him free. Death is a bit surprised that there were no souls to collect on this particular trip, but hey, maybe next time, and it was definitely entertaining.
Teyla Emmagan and Darth Vader were both turned into the opposite sex... are they both males now? Both females now? One male and one female?
That would be cheating to tell. *g* But in Darth Vader's case, it takes a long time for anyone to notice. Those underlings who suspect something has changed are too terrified to mention it. Meanwhile, Teyla decides to embrace it as a learning experience, though Kanaan is very disturbed by all of this.
Snape, Jayne, Todd the Wraith and Gene Hunt are all standing in the gallows with their necks in nooses. Sam the Whale has been told to choose one of them to die. Who are they and which will one choose?
Sadly, Sam is entirely unable to communicate his choice (though he tries desperately, and gives them all massive headaches and nosebleeds). While the hangman keels over with ruptured eardrums, Snape turns the nooses to a shower of petunias and Todd, Jayne and Gene team up for a good old-fashioned jailbreak. (They would have asked Snape to come along, but he seems to have mysteriously disappeared.)
Dean Winchester, Abby Sciuto and Gene Hunt are trapped in a labyrinth with a Wraith, a polar bear and Darth Vader armed with a banana. What three magical items do they find and how do they get out?
Dean and Gene, between them, quickly wipe out their enemies. Finally, when the smoke clears from the shooting, they pay attention to Abby, who has been telling them all along that everyone knows there are a dozen simple algorithms for finding your way out of a maze, and procedes to draw a simple diagram on the floor with a stick -- which neither of the other two understand, but it sounds like she knows what she's talking about, so they follow her (Gene with some grumbling and some wisecracks about women doing math; the other two ignore him). Sure enough, Abby leads them out, and while they're walking along in the maze Dean and Abby are totally cracking up about being in a Dungeons and Dragons game come to life. (Gene has no idea what they're talking about and is very annoyed.) Once they're out, Dean and Abby exchange phone numbers and email addresses, and promise to meet up the next time Dean is in town.
Snape, Ziva David and Kaylee are beamed onto a space ship. Who's flying it and do they join the crew?
The spaceship is being flown by ... River and Mal! Kaylee is delighted to be home. Ziva decides to stay with the Serenity for a while; it looks interesting and she lost her old job anyway, but eventually she decides that she wants to go home and find her friends. Snape stays for a little while as well, but everyone hates him (even on the Serenity, he's considered anti-social) and eventually he developes a spell to conjur a spaceship of his own and leaves for a new calling as a space pirate.
Dory and Todd the Wraith end up in an elevator together that turns into a time machine. When and where to they end up, what is Sam the Whale doing there, and what do they do next?
They end up on a small island in the middle of the ocean, where Sam is swimming along the shore and Dory happily joins him. Todd spends a little time tinkering with the time machine until he can get it to go wherever and whenever he wants; delighted and already plotting his galactic domination, he goes home, leaving Dory stranded (but apparently happy, since she can't remember what she was doing there in the first place).
Teal'c and Rodney McKay have sex and somehow Dory ends up pregnant with their baby. What does Darth Vader think about this and what exactly happened?
No one can figure out WHAT happened, least of all Darth Vader, who really doesn't care. All of Teal'c and Rodney's friends are completely shocked (by the relationship as well as the baby) but try to be supportive. The pregnancy will very likely end in tragedy for Dory, but fortunately Teal'c and Rodney, between them, are able to find and activate an alien device that saves the day.
Death wakes up in bed with Teyla Emmagan and neither knows how they got there (plus, it's Abby Sciuto's bed). How crazy is the morning after?
Not very crazy at all, actually! Teyla and Death are both pretty mellow about it, but agree that a relationship is probably not a good idea. (Teyla is seeing someone else, and Death's job would probably come between them.) Abby is pretty much okay with finding two hot women in her bed, but sad that they have to leave so soon.
Sam the Whale, Abby Sciuto & Darth Vader are in a beauty contest. Who wins the bikini contest, and what are their talents in the talent show?
OH DEAR. Well, Sam isn't even in the running for the bikini contest because no one can find a bikini that will fit him. Darth Vader wins the bikini contest because none of the judges will give him less than a perfect ten even though he's not wearing a bikini either. (Abby is very upset, since she's quite proud of her figure in her little Goth bikini.) For the talent show, Sam stands up on his tail and balances a Winnebago on his nose, Abby sings and dances, and Darth Vader tries to sing and dance, utterly fails at it, and kills all the judges in a pre-emptive strike. Then Sam loses his balance and falls over, Winnebago and all, on Darth Vader, completely flattening him. Abby wins by default.
Dean Winchester, Snape & Rodney McKay find a kitten. What happens? (Everything is better with kittens!)
They all fall in love with the kitten at first sight, but only Rodney isn't too macho to admit it, plus Rodney already has all of the necessary cat-keeping supplies anyway, so Rodney gets the kitten and the others are sad.
Teal'c takes Gene Hunt to see their parents (or closest equivalent). Do they make it to desert?
Both Teal'c and Gene's parents are dead, but Teal'c wants Bra'tac's approval so he takes Gene to meet him. Bra'tac promptly puts Gene through a five-day obstacle and survival course to prove his worthiness to woo Teal'c. Gene turns out to be surprisingly good at this, is awarded an honorary rank in the military, and they go off to save the galaxy together. No one suggests anything so foofy as dessert. *g*
Todd the Wraith does Ziva David's laundry. How does this bring about the end of the world?
Todd is completely fascinated by undergarments, which his people do not use, and makes the mistake of asking Ziva to demonstrate the function of a particularly small and lacy specimen. Ziva decides that she really should have killed him when they were locked up together (see locked room question, a few questions up), and tries to do so, at which point he unleashes his galactic domination fleet on the Earth. Oops.
Teyla Emmagan, Dory, Jayne, Kaylee & Death are at a sleepover party. Who does whose hair? Who instigates the prank, and who is the victim? (Bonus - what prank do they pull?) Who tells scary stories, and who freaks out about them?
Jayne really cannot believe that he got roped into this, especially when Teyla and Kaylee team up to glue his fingers to his gun. After Jayne has stomped off in disgust to find some solvent, to the ringing sound of girlish laughter, Teyla, Kaylee and Death all get together to do each other's hair. Dory wants very badly to join in, but she has no hair. Or hands. But the others feel sorry for her and set her little cup of water in the middle of their circle when they start telling ghost stories. Death has the very best scary stories, most of them involving her family, and she swears they're all absolutely true.
Teyla and Dory the fish go to Disneyworld. And run into Ziva David. Who freaks out on a ride? Who wins the biggest stuff animal and who hangs out with Micky Mouse?
Everyone assumes that Dory actually is a prize that Teyla won. After hearing it enough times, Dory starts to think so herself. Ziva and Teyla both agree that the rides are very dull compared to the sort of things they're used to, and Teyla comments that, from what she's heard, she always thought Ferris wheels would be much more interesting! The first time Mickey showed up, both Teyla and Ziva attacked him -- Teyla thought he was an aggressive local animal, while Ziva just thought he was creepy. Both of them totally sweep all the games (Ziva excels at the sharpshooter games, while Teyla wins all the throwing games easily) and Teyla ends up going home with a huge armload of stuffed animals. (Ziva doesn't want them, and Teyla has someone to take them home to.) Since no one is quite sure where Dory came from, Ziva takes her home and puts her in a fishbowl on her desk, and glares at anyone who asks.
Dean, Abby and Jayne go to a bar and run into Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise and Britney Spears. Who hangs out with who and what do they talk about?
Jayne immediately goes into orbit around Britney, who finds him weird and creepy. Dean claims not to be interested, but keeps checking her out and eventually goes over to get her autograph "for my little brother". Meanwhile Jayne keeps buying her drinks in the hopes of getting lucky, even though he has no clue that she's famous at all. Abby spends a very happy evening chatting with Brad and Tom.
Gene and Todd go on a blind date and see Teal'c and Sam. Do they switch dates?
How and what do they talk about?
Teal'c is having a monologue with Sam, but breaks off immediately when he recognizes Todd and shoots him without asking questions. Gene is a little startled, but very glad to be rid of his very strange date, who had been eyeing his chest in a speculative sort of way. Teal'c and Gene go off together, chatting about guns, and despite their seemingly insurmountable differences, well, things happen. (See Bra'tac question above.) Sam is sad that his new friend left, but the conversation had been pretty one-sided despite Sam's earnest attempts to answer.
Dean, Todd the Wraith, Ziva David and Gene Hunt are forced to go to one of those sexual harassment seminars. a) Why were they made to go in the first place, and b) how many people die as a result?
Well, Gene is there because he totally deserves to be, though he's so far beyond help that he spends most of his time making off-color jokes about the woman teaching the seminar and complaining about how much better the world was back before the 1970s came along and ruined it. Ziva got stuck with the seminar for making sexually suggestive comments to her male coworkers ("They were jokes," she says sullenly), but at least it's not the first harassment seminar she's attended, so she's hoping for something interesting to happen that will get her out of it, like the last time. She amuses herself in the meantime by hitting on Dean, who is there to a) pick up women by proving himself a sensitive guy, and b) to stalk Todd, whom, he tells Ziva very quietly, is probably some kind of ghoul. Ziva decides he's cute, but insane, especially when he opens fire on Todd in the middle of the seminar. Ziva and Gene whip out guns too, but Todd ends up being the only casualty, though there is a lot of property destruction!
Teal'c, Dory, and Jayne find themselves trapped in a Chuck E. Cheese's. What happens, and what does Teyla do to rescue them?
Dory is used for a pizza topping. Teal'c is mostly just amused at these odd Earth customs, while looking for a way out. Jayne takes about 0.2 seconds to completely snap, and by the time Teyla calmly negotiates her way into the Chuck E. Cheese, Jayne has taken the entire staff hostage and has strung up the Chuck E. Cheese mascot for later butchering.
Abby suddenly turns evil (or if originally evil, turns good). What do they do, and why does Snape try and turn them back?
Abby turns out to be a cute, perky, utterly terrifying criminal genius. Her first act is to build a weather control device that will turn all the world's oceans black at the touch of a button. Snape is pretty much okay with this, but reluctantly concedes that since there's a war on, having a mad scientist running around at the same time is probably not a good idea, so he whips up a potion to change her back.
What would the offspring (child or grown) of Dean Winchester and Teal'c be like?
Their offspring would have a well-developed sense of right and wrong, a powerful sense of honor and a sly sense of humor, and be skilled with many kinds of weapons from a young age. He or she would probably also have required either magic or alien technology to be conceived, but luckily, Dean and Teal'c, between them, have plenty of both.
What would Dory hate about Ziva David? Would they eventually get over it and sleep together?
Dory doesn't hate anything about anybody, though Ziva's violent tendencies do puzzle her somewhat. They don't ever sleep together due to utterly incompatible physiology, but Dory ends up living happily in a fishbowl on the edge of Ziva's desk.
Todd the Wraith, Abby Sciuto, Jayne and Gene Hunt are stranded somewhere with no food, and they realize they may have to eat someone. What happens next?
Gene vanishes, and the other two find a mysterious, dead, withered old man wearing Gene's clothes, which utterly baffles them. Abby performs a forensic analysis of the body and determines that it is, in fact, Gene -- at which point Todd comes upon her and asks her what she's doing. This is the last time she's seen; Jayne later finds a withered dead body wearing her clothes. Although there's no way that Todd could have possibly done this, Jayne (who's seen plenty of weird things) decides that it would probably be a good idea to kill him anyway, just in case, and now having plenty of food, he holds out until rescue comes.
How long would a relationship between Kaylee and Ziva David last, who would break it off, and how many people would die as a result?
Kaylee and Ziva have a brief but mutually satisfying affair. Before long Kaylee has to leave (she never did say where she came from) and, though she extends the offer to Ziva to come with her, Ziva chooses her responsibilities to her friends and country. But they part on good terms.
Gene Hunt and Teyla Emmagan are sparring. What sort of weapons would each want to use? Would one be able to defeat the other pretty easily or would it a fair match?
Teyla politely offers Gene his choice of weapons. He laughs at her because a woman couldn't possibly be skilled at any kind of weapon, whereupon she totally kicks his ass with nothing but her bare hands.
Abby Sciuto and Rodney McKay go out on a date. What sort of place would they go to where they both could enjoy themselves?
Abby and Rodney meet at a scientific conference and totally hit it off. They end up hanging out at the nearest coffee bar until it closes, at which point they're both so thoroughly caffeinated that neither one of them can sleep, so they stay up all night talking science, math and computer programming. Abby wonders about some of Rodney's odd, evasive answers, though, and some of his math doesn't make any sense, though he claims that it's just a new way of describing space-time.
Teal'c, Dory and Jayne meet in a bar after work. What sort things do they talk about?
Dory chatters about everything that comes into her head, until Jayne shuts her up by dropping her in a glass of beer. Jayne and Teal'c discuss fighting techniques, but Teal'c quickly realizes that Jayne is not the sharpest knife in the drawer, and leaves to find better conversation.
Dory, Rodney McKay, and Abby Sciuto are stranded on a desert island. Who is the first to be eaten? Whose idea was it?
Sadly, Dory is eaten almost immediately by mutual agreement between Abby and Rodney.
Sam the Whale gets to pick a superpower for Snape. What is it? Why does Sam the Whale choose it?
Sam chooses the superpower "can talk to marine organisms". Snape does not want this superpower, at all, but considers it just another small humiliation in the giant cosmic joke that is his life.
Gene Hunt, Teyla Emmagan, and Todd the Wraith find themselves in the same workplace. What kind of job(s) do they have and who is the most successful? Who gets fired?
They're all bodyguards for hire. Teyla is quiet and deadly and very easy to work with; she's very popular with clients. Gene is very effective at what he does, but has a tendency to fight with the people he's supposed to be protecting. Todd is also good at what he does -- he's incredibly intimidating -- but he's fired after a consistent pattern emerges of his clients having mysterious "accidents".
Dean Winchester and Jayne get married. Does it work out? What are the kids like?
It works out surprisingly well. They aren't together very often, as they both travel extensively, but they meet up occasionally for hot and torrid trysts, no questions asked and no strings attached. The kids, though ... don't ask about the kids. Just ... don't ask. *g*
Todd & Ziva have a secret (possibly biologically impossible) love-child. Who gets custody?
Ziva demands custody of the (very strange-looking) child because she doesn't trust Todd to raise it, though he claims the baby is perfectly safe with him and he only wants to raise it
Teal'c gets total amnesia and wakes up with Dean. Does Dean help Teal'c, tell them the truth of who they are, or make up a fake history for nefarious purposes?
Dean can't even really figure out what Teal'c is, let alone what his story might be. He doesn't tell Teal'c who he (Dean) really is, but he does try to help Teal'c regain his memory and find out where he came from.
Kaylee is the villain trying to take over the world, Abby is the superhero trying to stop them. What's the evil plan, and how is it thwarted?
The best nefarious plan that Kaylee -- who does not have a nefarious mind -- can come up with is to steal all the world's supply of kittens. Abby talks her into going into partnership and running a baby animal rescue facility instead. The two live happily ever after, surrounded by kittens and puppies.
If Death and Todd were trapped in a transporter, what would they do?
They have a pleasant chat about death, a subject with which they're both well acquainted. Eventually Death goes on about her rounds (a mere transporter door is no impediment) and Todd jimmies a crystal and escapes.
If Rodney, Teyla, Abby and Kaylee wanted to go on vacation together, where would each one want to go and would they be able to compromise?
Rodney finds vacations brain-meltingly dull and much prefers being at work, but, if pressed, admits that a nice beach resort with a pool and Internet would be okay. Teyla always goes home to New Athos on vacation. Abby wants to find somewhere with a great nightclub scene, and Kaylee is hoping for someplace warm with lots of half-naked hot guys. They could probably all compromise on the beach resort idea, even Abby -- she wouldn't mind lying on a beach in the sun for a while.
What would happen if Dean and Darth Vader were in a fight, either each other or both against a common foe?
Ooh. They would definitely be fighting each other, and this could go either way, really. Dean could probably take Darth Vader if he was able to take a shot from a distance, and especially if he had sufficient time to research Darth Vader's powers and find ways to counter them. If it came to a battle in close quarters, though, Dean is probably doomed.
Jayne and Snape are jumping on a trampoline when Darth Vader decides to join in. Alas, there is only room for two. Does Darth Vader go without, or does he/she knock one of the others if? If so, which one?
Oh god, the visuals! *dies* Darth Vader knocks them both off, because he has no intention of sharing his trampoline with anyone.
Thank you to everyone for playing -- and guessing! I may never get the mental image from that last one out of my head ...
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