My cactus has aphids, and other minor woes

[sholio]

This requires some backstory.

Last fall, the first long-ish story I wrote for Iron Fist was Cute But Prickly, a post-S2 story in which Ward accidentally gets turned into a cactus.

This turned into a running joke when rachelmanija and I were in Tucson in February, where there are CACTUS EVERYWHERE (including loads of little potted cactuses) and led to me coming home not just with cactus-themed everything, but with three miniature potted cactuses that Rachel helped me pick out. I was only going to get one (Rachel: "Which one of these cactuses looks like it's saying 'I have been turned into a cactus and I'm not happy about it?") but then I realized that I could also get a Danny cactus to keep my Ward cactus company, and you can't have a Danny cactus without a Colleen cactus and, uh, this is how I ended up with three potted cactuses.

The Ward cactus is the absolute prickliest cactus I could find (it pokes me every time I try to water it, I swear); the Colleen cactus is tiny and cute but also very prickly, although in a somewhat less in-your-face way than the Ward one; and the Danny cactus is a very serene-looking cactus with only the smallest of tokenistic prickles. (Rachel and I decided that Danny would probably be pretty okay with being a cactus; it's good for meditating.) If these cactus each had a philosophy of life, it would be, respectively: "I am a cactus and I hate it," "I am a cactus; plz don't touch me or I will poke you," and "I am a cactus; life is good. :)"

(I don't know how much of our conversation the nursery staff could hear, but they really must have wondered about us.)

Anyway, the reason why I'm making this post is because I just have to say that I really wish I'd owned a cactus before writing that story, because I would have had SO MANY MORE THINGS for Danny to panic about than just making sure Ward-cactus has proper humidity and doesn't get too much sun. Since becoming a cactus owner, I have:

- Dropped my cactus.
- Accidentally broken spines off my cactus.
- Poked myself on my cactus. A lot. (Particularly the Ward cactus, which is the prickliest cactus imaginable. The Colleen cactus pokes me occasionally. The Danny one never has.)
- Gotten one cactus stuck to another cactus, to my hand, to the plastic dish in which they live, etc.

But then there was today, when O. was looking at my cactuses in the window and said, "Did you know one of your cactuses has fungus on it?"

It was the Ward cactus. OF COURSE it was the Ward cactus. If ever there was a cactus this sort of thing WOULD happen to ... Though the Colleen one has a little of it too. The Danny one does not. (He's too serene.)

So I panicked about having over-watered them and put them outside in the sunshine for awhile, and then I decided it would maybe help to take a Q-tip and clean off the fungus. I was diligently working on this when I realized that the white fluffy stuff all over the cactus wasn't fungus or mold, it was the white fluff that aphids produce, and I know this because IT'S MOVING. D:

Brand new panic time! I know how to get rid of aphids on houseplants by spraying them thoroughly with soapy water, but can you do that to a cactus? What if getting wet kills them?! We Googled this and it turns out that the soapy water treatment is fine for this, so we did that and now the cactus are drying in the sun. I assume they're going to be okay. I hope. I didn't realize that getting aphids was a thing that could happen to cactuses, but apparently it is.

(Also, I'm pretty sure the Colleen cactus caught aphids from the Ward cactus, which does seem like something that would happen to her.)

So basically the point is, I missed an opportunity to write Danny panicking about Ward having aphids*, and I had to tell you all about it.

*Pretty sure there is no h/c bingo square for this.

Comments

[rachelmanija]

This post needs moar cactus photos and that story needs a sequel where everyone sequentially turns into a cactus.

[sholio]

I should take some pictures! They're out of cactus quarantine and back on the windowsill, hopefully not just in time to infect the rest of my houseplants, heh.

that story needs a sequel where everyone sequentially turns into a cactus

noooooo don't tempted me. >_>

[madripoor_rose]

Heh! Glad you caught it, then.

And hey, nothing says you can't write a missing scene for your own fic! Author reserves the right to Have A Better Idea and all that....

[sholio]

RIGHT??? Dammit ...

[aelfgyfu_mead]

I don't even watch the show and yet this is HILARIOUS!

[sholio]

I am delighted that you enjoyed! :D

[lunabee34]

This is adorable.

[sholio]

I make my own fun. XD

[kore]

OMG, poor Ward cactus, but I am dying.

I love the characterization of the three cactus (cactuses? cactii?).

[sholio]

There is just no way to pluralize "cactus" that sounds right, as I discovered in writing the above post. Also, I now have written the word so many times that it no longer looks like a word. :D

[sherylyn]

LOL I don't watch the show, either, but I found all of this adorably hysterical!! (And I've had potted cacti over the years and yeah... not the aphids, but pretty much everything else you've mentioned happened at some point!)

Also, did you know that there's such a thing as a Horse Crippler Cactus? I've lived in TX most of my life, and never knew that's what it was called until this past April when my friend/boss visited, and we went to the Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower Center near Austin. There's also one called a Prairie Nipple Cactus, which is just too funny a name for sooo many reasons! :-P

[sholio]

Cactus owner woes! *fistbump of cactus solidarity*

Also, did you know that there's such a thing as a Horse Crippler Cactus?

I did not! But I can guess why it might be called that ...

[edenfalling]

*dies laughing*

[sholio]

:DDD

[sheron]

Anyway, the reason why I'm making this post is because I just have to say that I really wish I'd owned a cactus before writing that story, because I would have had SO MANY MORE THINGS for Danny to panic about than just making sure Ward-cactus has proper humidity and doesn't get too much sun.

ROFL.

[sholio]

When I go for crack, apparently I go all the way. :D

[scioscribe]

I definitely want an aphids bingo square now.

Poor Ward and Colleen cacti!

[sholio]

That would be right up there with "unexpected consequences of planned soulbonding" as a weirdly specific prompt, that's for sure.

[alessandriana]

Pretty sure there is no h/c bingo square for this.

*cackles*

[sholio]

BUT THERE SHOULD BE. :D

[winter_elf]

falls over laughing. Thanks for the images of cacti shenanigans :)

[sholio]

My cactus have the best shenanigans. :D

[ellenmillion]

I'm not supposed to wipe my eyes for another few days, but you had me laughing to tears!

[sholio]

I amused myself a lot when I was writing this. (So far the cacti seem to be aphid-free and healthy ...)

[lilacsigil]

Oh, Ward cactus! How he suffers (and makes you suffer too!)

[sholio]

If anything terrible is going to happen to one of my cacti, it usually happens to him. XD Poor Ward cactus.

[schneefink]

This post was already amazing, and then you went and wrote more turned-into-cactus fic xD

[sholio]

I KNOW RIGHT XD

[saphirablue]

If I finally get around watching it, I will probably not be able to unsee this character as cactus, right? /o\

But, I love the story/idea/thoughts behind your cacti. :)

[sholio]

hahaha, oh no, hopefully I haven't ruined it. /o\ I'm definitely amusing myself, though!

[starwatcher]

.
I shouldn't snicker, but I am. I live in New Mexico, where cactus is a weed.

Remember -- 'wild' cactus does get rained on. Often a lot. Water won't hurt them; just don't let them sit with sopping roots for too long... but that's true of most plants.

Seriously, follow the example of the Danny cactus and relax.
.

[sholio]

follow the example of the Danny cactus and relax.

This is excellent advice. :D And also a good point about cactus getting rained on. (Which did occur to me, but then, I've also had orchids, which will die if the leaves get wet - how that plant survives in the wild, I have no idea.)