I think it's a lot harder to properly identify oneself as an h/c fan in anime fandom, where it's not a popular genre. I got my ficcing start in X-files and then gen Sentinel, which was hardcore h/c and smarm, so I had a wide range of fic catering to my general tastes, and was able to get more specifically choosy - so I always was aware that while I loved h/c, I had particular interests. I've always preferred psychological/emotional hurt to purely physical, and I don't go for the individual character torture of whump, since for me h/c is all about relationship exploration. As far as strictly h/c goes, I tend to be on the softer side, but I'll go for pretty hardcore angst.
And I early on learned about delving into the heart of the id - I remember well that "embarrassed" reaction, writing something too, hmm, purely what I wanted?* I don't have it much anymore...to be honest, though, I'm not sure how much of that is that is that I've just become used to fanfic being about kinks, and how much is that my id is not as, hmm, accessible? as it was before. Maybe some of my buttons have been pressed too hard - what I used to wriggle with pleasure at now is old hat; it needs a twist to interest me. Or maybe it's just that I've gotten pickier about what I like...
And that's not looking at how sometimes what I like to write is not what I like to read, which kind of puzzles me. For the most part, my best stories (in my own opinion, and in reader reaction) are those which I really wanted to read myself - but there's been a few I really was driven to write, that are not the sort I'd usually like to read. (I like to read them when I've written them myself, but that's because I engage differently with my own writing...)
*ETA: "writing self-indulgent stories with no redeeming literary value whatsoever"
I remember when I was in high school, telling someone that I loved Dragonriders of Pern, but that I wanted to be a "real" writer - writing something of literary value, basically. And they asked me, but if you write something that's liked as much as you like Pern, what's wrong with that? Since then I've been trying to work out what is the literary value of self-indulgence. Because I'm convinced there is one, that a story that strikes a chord, tickles the id, does have merit in that very act of inspiring feeling. Why should emotional stimulation be of any less value than intellectual stimulation? --Not challenging you here, it's just a question I've been wrestling with!
no subject
And I early on learned about delving into the heart of the id - I remember well that "embarrassed" reaction, writing something too, hmm, purely what I wanted?* I don't have it much anymore...to be honest, though, I'm not sure how much of that is that is that I've just become used to fanfic being about kinks, and how much is that my id is not as, hmm, accessible? as it was before. Maybe some of my buttons have been pressed too hard - what I used to wriggle with pleasure at now is old hat; it needs a twist to interest me. Or maybe it's just that I've gotten pickier about what I like...
And that's not looking at how sometimes what I like to write is not what I like to read, which kind of puzzles me. For the most part, my best stories (in my own opinion, and in reader reaction) are those which I really wanted to read myself - but there's been a few I really was driven to write, that are not the sort I'd usually like to read. (I like to read them when I've written them myself, but that's because I engage differently with my own writing...)
*ETA: "writing self-indulgent stories with no redeeming literary value whatsoever"
I remember when I was in high school, telling someone that I loved Dragonriders of Pern, but that I wanted to be a "real" writer - writing something of literary value, basically. And they asked me, but if you write something that's liked as much as you like Pern, what's wrong with that? Since then I've been trying to work out what is the literary value of self-indulgence. Because I'm convinced there is one, that a story that strikes a chord, tickles the id, does have merit in that very act of inspiring feeling. Why should emotional stimulation be of any less value than intellectual stimulation?
--Not challenging you here, it's just a question I've been wrestling with!