sholio | Fic: Tao of Rodney tag

Entry tags:

fanfic:sga

Fic: Tao of Rodney tag

Title: Monster Slayer
Rating: G; gen
Spoilers: "Tao of Rodney" tag. SPOILERS! Although probably not huge ones. This is a missing scene that takes place during the episode, but more is inferred than actually stated.
Summary: Sheppard tries to do the thing he does best.

Thanks to Tazmy for the beta.

Monster Slayer

"You usin' that?"

Dr. Katie Brown looked up in surprise at the voice, unable to place it as anyone in the labs. When she saw the leader of Atlantis's military leaning lazily against the wall, she jumped and tried to stop herself from patting at her hair. The Colonel just had that effect on the civilian female population of the city.

"Colonel! I'm sorry; I didn't hear you there. I -- uh, what?" Belatedly she began to catch up with what he'd asked her.

"That." One long finger pointed at her desk. Surprise overcame her flustered shyness when she saw that he was pointing at a scented candle, perched in an ornate holder on the edge of her desk. It had been a Christmas present from Alison in Geology for her birthday, but she'd never actually burned it, having no desire to risk singeing her plants.

"Um ... no?"

"Can I have it?"

She couldn't imagine what on Earth -- or Atlantis, either -- a soldier would want with a faintly pink-colored, rose-scented candle, but it wasn't as if she ever planned to light it. "Just don't tell Alison Wyatt."

He smiled the lazy grin that made him the talk of the mostly-female botany wing. "Thanks." He nipped it lightly from its holder, then paused when he noticed her looking at him quizzically. "Uh ... what?"

"Won't you need something to put it in?"

"Oh." He looked down at it in surprise. "Really?"

"Unless you want to get wax all over."

He cleared his throat and looked at the holder. "Er ... so ..."

Katie laughed, starting to forget her shyness. She'd never had a conversation with John Sheppard that was longer than "Could you pass the salt?" but there was something loveably dorky about the man. Maybe the rumors about him -- the stories she'd heard of his marksmanship, of sixty Genii dead in less than an hour -- were just exaggeration. "It's not much good without the candle. Please, take it."

He nodded, smiled in a slightly embarrassed way, took the candleholder and beat a hasty retreat.

Katie smiled after him, shook her head and went back to compiling statistics on the flora of P3T-2YN. What a nice man. Someday she'd have to ask him what he wanted the candle for. Remembering his goofy grin, she smiled -- he was probably just too macho to admit that he thought candles were cool.

"Scuze me, Dr. Simpson?"

Simpson looked up in surprise and then annoyance as Atlantis's resident Don Juan oozed his way into her lab. She'd sized up John Sheppard the minute she laid eyes on him, and nothing she'd heard about him since then had changed her mind. She knew that type. She hated that type. Working in a male-dominated field, her entire career had been spent struggling against men who saw a woman like her as an attractive piece of meat in a lab coat. The absolute last thing she needed was a macho flyboy hanging around hitting on her and getting in the way. She couldn't stand the way that the younger lab techs swooned over him like he was a pop idol -- heck, even some of the older ones, who should know better.

"Can I help you?" she inquired with cool politeness.

He jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "Chang in biology said you keep a box of candles around for emergency lighting."

Simpson stared at him for a moment. What in the world ...? "Cabinet on the right, top drawer."

"Thanks, Doc, I owe you one." He crossed the floor with a loose-limbed stride -- swagger was really the word for it. Simpson watched with a narrow-eyed glare as he carelessly shifted through the contents of the drawer until he came up with a box of white tapers.

"I'll replace these the next time the Daedalus comes in. Thanks again, Doc."

"You'd better," she muttered, watching him leave. She wondered what the heck he wanted the candles for. Probably trying to impress a girl with his sensitivity and New-Agey-ness. Men like him were all the same.

"Corporal Beaudreax --"

"Sir!" the young woman gasped, scrambling upright at her post in the control room. The equally young soldier next to her saluted, his spine so rigid that it looked as if it might snap.

Like most of the new Daedalus recruits, LaDonna Beaudreax regarded Colonel Sheppard as some sort of minor deity. She was intimidated enough by normal officers, let alone one whose eleventh-hour victories over Wraith and Genii were told and re-told in the barracks like the tales of a trickster hero.

"At ease, Corporal." Sheppard leaned on the railing and smiled at her, which did nothing for her nervous butterflies. "Hey, got a question for ya."

Part of the Colonel's near-legendary status was the fact that he neither looked nor acted like an officer. He was an ordinary guy, and this probably terrified the recruits more than anything else about him.

"Sir, yes sir!"

"Hey, hey. We're just all folks here, Beaudreax." Sheppard folded his arms on the railing. "Some of the guys in the barracks told me that you're into this Eastern meditation thing, and you've got some candles for that? Is that true?"

Beaudreax stared at him in terror. She'd taken some crap from the others for that, but had had no idea that it would make its way up the chain of command all the way to the Colonel's ears. "Sir, I had no idea -- Is there a regulation? I'll get rid of them immediately!"

"What? No! No, there's no regulation. I just wondered if I might have some of them. If you don't mind, of course."

Beaudreax had to force herself not to stare at him. She wondered if this was some sort of elaborate test. Maybe all the new soldiers had to go through something like this. "Sir, of course you can have them." She winced, then, wondering if she'd just broken some other regulation -- bribery, say. But the Colonel just smiled.

"Thanks. If you get a chance, could you drop 'em off outside my quarters after your shift change? Just leave them at the door."

Beaudreax wet her dry lips and tried to imagine any way that obeying this order could be construed as improper, but it seemed fairly aboveboard. "Yes, sir. I'll do that."

The Colonel looked ... tired, Beaudreax thought, surprised, as he pushed off from the railing. The smile that he gave her was absent and a bit strained. "Appreciate it. Carry on."

As he strolled off, she noticed for the first time that he was carrying a bag, dangling casually from his hooked fingers. It was filled with something lumpy. Candles, she realized.

Once he was out of earshot, Corporal Larson asked softly, "What in the world do you suppose he's collecting candles for?"

"I have no idea." Thinking of all the stories she'd heard about Sheppard, she added, "But I bet it's something heroic ... something to do with the fate of the city."

"But ... candles."

"Maybe. Why not? You know there's a lot that goes on around here that no one tells us about."

If anyone could save the city with a bag of candles, Beaudreax thought with absolute conviction, Colonel Sheppard was probably that man.

A light tap on her office door roused Kate out of her contemplation of Private MacKenzie's records. The young man was making good progress on his PTSD and she still didn't feel that sending him home was warranted unless his symptoms worsened. Making a note in his file, she closed the laptop and called, "Come in."

She was surprised to see John Sheppard's spiky head appear around the corner of the doorway. Normally he avoided her office like the plague. "Good morning, Colonel! Or ..." She cast a glance at the angle of the sunlight slanting through her office windows. "Afternoon, rather. What can I do for you?"

"Actually ..." His gaze drifted from her, down to a small grouping of evergreen-scented votive candles on the edge of her desk. "You mind if I have some of those?"

Kate kept a professional smile on her face, but her analytical mind busily began rewriting her impressions of Sheppard. "Do you mind if I ask what you want them for?"

He gave a little shrug. "Yeah. I kind of do. Sorry, Doc. You don't have to --"

Kate raised a hand to forestall him. "No, no. I don't mind. They're only for ambiance anyway; you can have as many as you want."

Looking a bit like a guilty child in the principal's office, he approached her desk quickly and swept the candles into his hand. A white flash at his hip caught her eye; she realized that there was a box of taper candles sticking out of his pocket. Her eyes very nearly went wide, but she managed to maintain her professional demeanor.

"If you need to talk to me about anything, John, you know that my door is always open. You can always stop in whenever you like."

Sheppard dropped his eyes in the way that usually meant he was lying through his teeth. "Yeah, I'll do that. Thanks for the candles, Doc."

After he left, she stared at the shadow patterns on the wall for a moment, tapping a pencil against her desktop. Then she opened Sheppard's file and began typing. Subject's prankster tendencies are becoming slightly worrisome. Latent fire fetish, perhaps? Usually manifests in childhood -- need to check records. Possibly triggered by stress re: Rodney's condition. Note to self: discuss fire safety protocol w/Elizabeth. Also schedule stress assessment for Col. Sheppard.

Teyla threw a towel around her neck and left the gym, padding towards her quarters on bare feet. The exercise had helped to calm her racing mind, but still she couldn't stop thinking.

There had been a time in her life when she would never have thought ill of the Ancestors. Now ... now, she thought, she had come to accept that the corporeal Ancestors had been all too human, with all the flaws and fallibility, the capability for greatness and courage, for pettiness and anger, as the people of her own time. And they, in their all-too-human fallibility, have done us a great disservice this time.

Turning the corner, she saw John standing in front of the door to her quarters, lowering a hand as he turned away. Seeing her, he froze.

"John."

"Teyla."

Her eyes drifted down to the two bags he carried, both of them bristling with ... candles? She could feel her eyebrows go up.

"So, uh ..." Sheppard lifted one shoulder in a slightly embarrassed shrug. "Figured you weren't home."

Teyla raised one hand just a bit in the direction of her radio. John's smile turned sheepish. "It didn't really seem worth calling you if you were in the middle of something."

"I was merely going through some simple forms with the sticks." Teyla palmed her door open and set down her workout bag on a chair inside the door. "Will you come in?"

"Just for a minute. Got an appointment a little later." He followed her inside. "So, I came by earlier, but you were out. I was just going to borrow some candles, but since you weren't here, I decided to look elsewhere ..." He shrugged, hefting the bags.

Teyla glanced down at the bags he carried. "I did not know there were that many candles in all of Atlantis."

"Neither did I," John admitted. "We're a candle-happy bunch, apparently. I got kind of carried away."

Teyla scrubbed at her neck with the towel and laid it, folded, on the foot of her bed. His diffident body language, to her, bespoke but one thing; she wondered if it would be appropriate to ask him. "Does this involve Rodney?"

The way he averted his eyes from her was more of an answer than words could ever be. "Just a crazy idea Elizabeth had."

Teyla wondered just what exactly, by the Twelve Forgotten Heroes, Elizabeth could have suggested that involved Rodney and candles. Her imagination boggled. Still, it obviously meant a lot to John. "And do you ..." Her look encompassed the bags. "... have enough candles?"

"Maybe just a few more ..." His eyes drifted to the half-melted candles on her beside table.

Those were the common ones, the everyday kind. Teyla had better, and she went to her closet, reaching up for a wooden box with inlaid velvet. This contained the ceremonial candles: sandflower and bird tallow for remembrance, and ironwood scented candles for the Day of the Dead; slim candles made from the fat of the first-killed calf in the autumn harvest, to be burned for hope in the spring; broad candles with embedded kihascha petals, traded for at great cost, which would chase away evil dreams in the very sick and summon the Ancestors near.

Every Athosian family had such a box. Without the proper candles, some of the most important ceremonies in a person's life could not be conducted. A few of them were nearly irreplaceable, the worlds they had come from culled by the Wraith.

Teyla gathered them in handfuls, gently and reverently placed them into John's overflowing bags.

"Uh, hey, you don't have to give me all of them --"

"I have many more -- see?" She indicated with her head the cloth bags of cheap tallow candles on a lower shelf of the closet.

"Well, yeah, that's true."

Closing the empty box, Teyla laid it back in its place, then picked up the slim metal firelighter that always lay beside it. We mastered fire long ago, she had said to John once, when he was but a stranger from one of the many far-off peoples with whom the Athosians did not trade. As she had used it then, it had been a gimmick, a cheap trick to impress a stranger from beyond the stars.

Carefully she tucked the firelighter into his pocket.

Her eyes met his, serious and searching. "Whatever you are planning, John ... I pray that it works."

"John!"

Elizabeth saw him jump guiltily in the corridor and turn around, nearly dropping the heavy-looking bags he was carrying. When she got closer, she found herself staring. The bags appeared to be full of ... candles?

Despite the seriousness of the situation and her worry about Rodney, Elizabeth found herself grinning. "What are you doing?"

She could see the blood rush to his face. He looked away, then back. "Just doing what I do, Elizabeth."

"And that would be?"

"Slaying monsters."

The conversation in the cafeteria came back to her, and she could only infer that whatever he planned with the candles, it had something to do with Rodney. What that something might be ... she was almost afraid to guess. And speaking of whom ... "I asked Rodney to come by your quarters at about nineteen hundred tonight. I hope that's all right, but I couldn't find you to ask."

An eyebrow went up, as he neatly sidestepped the question of where he'd been all day. "Asked?"

She felt a smile tug gently at the corners of her mouth. "Perhaps it would be more like 'ordered'."

"Well, in that case ..." He glanced down the corridor, at the very low angle of the sun outside the floor-to-ceiling windows. "I'd better get moving. Got some things to do first."

And she wanted so much ask him about it. If he thought he'd found something that might help, she wanted to know what it was -- to weigh its risks and benefits against the other shreds of hope that they'd managed to scavenge. But seeing his obvious discomfort, she realized that the last thing she wanted was to add a burden of performance anxiety to his stress. Whatever he had in mind would either work or it wouldn't; nothing she could do was likely to change that.

"Good luck, then."

As soon as he turned from her, the smile fell away from her face. She wondered if Rodney really knew how far his friends were willing to go for him. How much he was loved here.

There was a box of candles placed neatly beside the door to Sheppard's quarters. He smiled to himself, remembering the corporal's flustered response to his question. Had he ever been that young? Sure as hell wasn't now, and he found that there wasn't much to smile about, after all. He opened the door and tapped the box with his toe, sliding it into the room. The door slid shut behind him, and he was alone with about a million candles.

He dumped the bags on his bed and then emptied handfuls of candles from his pockets. It was a waxen sea, all colors and shapes and sizes, some melted down to nubs, others fresh and whole.

Picking up a random handful of candles, he began placing them on the available surfaces around the room. Remembering what Katie had said, he used all the various holders and jars that had come with the candles, then scrounged containers for the others: a soap dish, a water glass that he'd forgotten to return to the cafeteria, an empty cracker box. He dumped his guitar picks out of their case into a random drawer and stuck a candle in it.

It was dumb and silly and girly, but there really was something calming about it. In fact, the knot in his gut was a lot less tightly wound than it had been before the whole candle-hunting incident. At the very least, it had given him something to do.

He knew he wasn't good at this whole meditating, navel-contemplating thing. In fact, he was pretty sure that he was very bad at it. But candles seemed generally integral to the whole process, and by God, if he was going to do it, he was going to do it right.

Monster-slaying with a gun or knife: he was good at that. Slaying monsters with candles -- really not his thing. But for Rodney's sake, he'd try.

He used Teyla's lamp-lighter on the first candle, and watched it flare. "Cool," he murmured, grinning despite himself. He'd always wanted one of these things.

He had just finished lighting the last of them when a soft tap came at his door. He could tell by the cadence that it was Rodney; he wasn't even sure how he knew.

John took a deep breath, stepped back and stared at the candles for a moment. Peaceful thoughts. Blue skies. Ferris wheels. You kill scary monsters, John: it's what you DO.

And he opened the door.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh, John.

It's fun to see him through peripheral characters, and those not so pheripheral :). What a great tag, lovely. It means so much for him to go around and collect candles, and is so telling of John and his motivations.

*happy sigh*

That was nice, right in tone with the ep.

(sorry, I forgot to ask in the last comment :)

Do you mind if I use the title for an icon?

John! *sniffles a little* Lovely - he's being a sweetheart without actually meaning to! Very touching, and of course it answers the question we all asked when we saw the candles, as John+candles does not compute (unless there's a woman involved. I like the changing POVs and the Athosian culture details.

Oh and this - Subject's prankster tendencies are becoming slightly worrisome. Latent fire fetish, perhaps? Usually manifests in childhood -- need to check records. Possibly triggered by stress re: Rodney's condition. Note to self: discuss fire safety protocol w/Elizabeth. Also schedule stress assessment for Col. Sheppard.

Snerk! Over-analysis much?

So that's how John got all the candles. *grins* Hehe a little mini adventure with (mostly) everyone else making wrong assumptions. :)

I love, love, love all the different POVs here.

*smile* Thank you very much! "Oh, John" ... yes, indeed. I just couldn't help wondering where he got all those candles, and thinking of him trying so hard to do the meditation thing *right*, because it was the only chance that Rodney had ...

And in answer to your question, yes, of course you may use it. Don't mind a bit. :)

Thank you! Yup, the candles were a story that must be told. Actually the truth in canon is probably much more prosaic -- most likely he got them from Teyla ... but I couldn't help noticing that they were all different shapes and sizes, and sticking in all kinds of different containers. And, poor John, trying to solve a problem that is so incredibly far outside his area of expertise. But still, he tried so hard.

Snerk! Over-analysis much?

*grin* I think that was pretty much my beta's comment too...

Thank you SO much! I really liked having the opportunity to explore how John is seen by different members of the Atlantis expedition who don't know him that well. Basically you've got him doing the exact same thing with each person (asking for candles) and they project their own interpretation onto it ... I love POV stories. :D

*smiles* Thank you! I really liked the idea of playing with POV here, and having different characters guess about John's motivations with no real idea of what was going on.

that was gorgeous and evocative and very John. Your writing just gets better and better. *g*

Very nice.

I was thinking along the same lines - that even though this was Rodney's episode we got a nice little peak into how John views his role...and it is pretty much as you said...He kills scary monsters. And I think that was what was bugging him in this episode. There was no scary monsters to kill.

I also liked the different views of Sheppard...from the the young corporal's worship, to Simpson who is determine to think ill of him and Kate- who see him a shrinks eye and trys to find meaning for things.

If anyone could save the city with a bag of candles, Beaudreax thought with absolute conviction, Colonel Sheppard was probably that man.

I loved the way you show that Katie, Beaudreax, and the rest believe in Sheppard. They know he'll do anything he can to save them all.

Great backstory. Those candles didn't just appear by magic, and they're certainly not something we would associate with Sheppard. But, like meditating, he will try anything to save those he loves. In that friend way. (g)

What I found especially touching about this tag (and about the episode itself) is the fact that there isn't some corporeal thing to be slain to make things all better for Rodney. Goes to show you that the ego is the strongest beast alive. Collecting the candles from so many people really brought out the fact that, although we didn't see everyone in Atlantis doing so, it is most likely that the entire expedition was pulling for McKay and trying to contribute in whatever way they could to saving his life.
*I'm getting choked up, again!*

This line really stood out to me:
If anyone could save the city with a bag of candles, Beaudreax thought with absolute conviction, Colonel Sheppard was probably that man.

I love this! Full of so much meaning on so many levels. I love how you show Sheppard out of his element here. His monsters are always ones he can shoot at but this time it's not.

That's beautiful! *claps*

This episode just showed the love did it not? The candles lighting Sheppard doing something he so obviously had very little confidence in...but he had to try.

Shifting POV, marvelous storytelling as usual!

Ok, so considering one of the first things I thought when I saw that scene (aside from "this is going to be hilarious becasue they BOTH HATE MEDITATING") was "where the hell did he get all those candles??" this story makes my day. because seriously! candles?

Loved that you used it to explore how everyone perceives John, which is interesting, because he's the big damn hero, and it's fun to see who likes him and who doesn't. The sheer dichotomy between Katie Brown's impression, Simpson's, and the soldier who sees the strain is fantastic. Excellent job!

Hey, did you read my mind or something? I watched the episode yesterday and when I saw all those candles in John's quarters, I was wondering where the heck they all came from. Now I know. *g*

Very nicely done, thanks!

Thank you so much! :)

Thank you! And, yeah ... one of the things I loved about this episode is that Sheppard was still trying to stay in his role of protector/defender, even though there was nothing he could really protect Rodney *against* -- it was Rodney's own brain and body that was killing him. And yet he tried, though it took him far outside his comfort zone.

I thought it would be neat to do a story that shows a bunch of different facets of Sheppard through different people's eyes -- some positive, others not so positive, and most of them revealing far more about the other person than about Sheppard himself. Glad it worked!

*grin* Yes, exactly -- that's what I loved about that part of the episode, is that Sheppard is so far outside his comfort zone and yet he's still doing everything that he can to help.

Thank you! :)

*grin* Yes ... precisely. I *loved* how there was really nothing in this episode to fight. It was a different sort of battle, and it was interesting seeing how the more action-oriented characters, particularly Sheppard, reacted to it.

Thank you!

*grin* I think it was probably the question on everyone's mind! My first thought was that he got them from Teyla, but they were just such an odd assortment -- tall ones, short ones, flat ones, some in holders and some in jars ... I just could see a rather interesting story there!

Glad you liked it!

Thank you! And yeah ... one of the things I really loved about this episode was that Sheppard was faced with a monster that wasn't something he could just kill -- and yet he tried anyway.

*smile* Thank you very much! And, yes, there was just SO much love in this episode, in so many ways.

*grin* Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it! And I wondered about the candles too ... obviously!

I really liked the idea of doing a variety of outsider POVs on Sheppard, and using him as kind of a Rorschak test, because what they see in him is really more indicative of themselves than of him. He's so complex, and they all see some aspects of him, but only his friends perceive the whole person and correctly guess at his motives.

I found this while hunting for episode tags. I should have done that much, much earlier.
Just, just wow. Such an original idea, great characterization on everyone, interesting OC, insightful glimpses into the way Sheppard is seen by other people.
I posted a rec at

sga_episodefic, because, um, wow?

Oh, John.

Beautiful and breaking. Thank you.

This was just lovely. Seeing all of the different perceptions of John was hysterical, but most of them seemed exactly spot-on. It's interesting, in that it seemed to reflect the number of different ways that people in fandom perceive John, again all based on essentially the same information.

The Kate one made me laugh, as I know a number of psych-type-people that are in the habit of making similar leaps of logic. Generally they make sense, but sometimes...

If anyone could save the city with a bag of candles, Beaudreax thought with absolute conviction, Colonel Sheppard was probably that man.

Hee! I loved seeing the hero-worship, it was pitch-perfect.

Oh wow, thank you! And thanks so much for the rec, too -- it's always really cool to get some new reviews on an old fic, and nice to know where they're coming from! I haven't really poked around the comm much yet, but I saw quite a few stories on there that I haven't read before, so, yay!

Thank you! He tries so hard, even when he's so far out of his element.

Your icon! Hee!

And thanks so much for the comment. I really love doing outsider POVs, and it was really fun with this story to play with the idea that everyone sees different facets of John depending on what they expect to see -- he's almost like a walking Rorschach test! And, yes, what gave me the idea to do this story (other than the episode, of course!) is the incredible variety in how John's perceived in the fandom; it seems that fans see different things in him just as the characters in this story do. But (in the story, at least) it's only those closest to him who come the closest to geussing what he's really doing and why.

Here via

sga_episodefic too, which is something of a godsend to me as I plough through the series for the first time! This is so gorgeous, and so John, and so wonderful. The way he can't face telling anyone what he's doing, but their willingness to help him anyway... *happy sigh*

Thank you so much! :D I love exploring John through other people's eyes.

awww. that was awesome. i loved seeing how everyone else reacted to his candle borrowing/gathering adventure. very nice!

I thought for sure that I'd already replied to this, but apparently I was slack and didn't. :p I just re-watched Tao of Rodney, and this fic slots so beautifully with the episode. John's not sure how to go about fighting this particular monster, but he's going to do it right, if it means collecting candles from everyone on Atlantis. :p All the sections of POV were wonderful, but I particularly love Teyla's. It's such a Teyla thing to do.

Beautiful work. I really enjoyed reading (and re-reading). :D

Thank you so much! I really enjoy doing outsider POVs and couldn't resist the idea of doing a story in which that was the entire theme.

Oh, thank you! "Tao" was such a very tag-worth episode, and I really enjoyed doing all the different views of John and his mission. The Teyla thing broke my heart just a little. :)

Okay I loved, loved LOVED this. I most certainly can't quote all my favorite parts but they included all of the different POVs on John and his candle hunting, Kate worrying about a "latent fire fetish" and the fact that Beaudreax was convinced that John could save Atlantis from disaster with a bag of candles.

But my absolute FAVORITE part was with Teyla. I want to quote the whole thing but my comment is getting too long already. :)

The fact that she, without hesitation, gave John all of her ceremonial candles (all very important to her, some irreplaceable) when the cheap tallow candles would have been more than sufficient for what John had in mind. She did it for Rodney. And she never tells them.

I just, wow. :)

Thank you so much! I love long comments and reading this delighted me. ^_^ And the Teyla part, I'm SO glad you liked that part, because that's probably the emotional heart of the story, right there -- that she cares enough to give a gift like that, and yet, they don't even know. But that's how much she cares.

Teyla still breaks my heart here.

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Fic: Tao of Rodney tag

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Monster Slayer

Re: Monster Slayer

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